Mitte, North Fitzroy

For Melbourne's best poached eggs, go to Mitte, 76 Michael Street, North Fitzroy, Tel +61 3 9077 7379. I'd like to say the world's best poached eggs, but there are two good reasons not to. First, I have not yet tasted every poached egg the world has to offer. And second, I try to avoid saying things that make me sound like a total pillock.



But trust me. These were some seriously good eggs. Nice shape. No puddles of poaching water. Deep, dark golden yolks, oozing to perfection. And a taste so good you'll want to eat these fellas nude. Just shove a bit of pure, unadulterated egg in your gob and enjoy. Or maybe smear it on some Dench toast. But don't dress it up in too many fancy flavours. Try to enjoy the simple pleasure of a fresh, free-range egg.

Which is not to say that Mitte doesn't also give good flavour. Having savoured some naked egg, you can move on to a very tasty chick pea bake, some goat's fetta, a leafy herb salad, half an avocado and a squeeze of lemon. All served up with a couple of slices of very fresh Dench sourdough toast. Ausgezeichnet.

The flavour continues with the Cheap-Eats-Award-Winning potato and chorizo omelette with Collingwood College kitchen garden tomato and fennel chutney, and a tomato, buffalo mozzarella and basil salad. Or for those who like to start their day with dessert, the "breakfast crumble" of cinnamon poached pears and apples topped with a crunchy-granola-ish toasted macadamia crust. Personally, a gut full of such sickly goo first thing in the morning would make me want to barf. But each to her own.

Less sickly, but still sweet, are the pikelets, which I can highly recommend with lemon curd, fresh lemon, brown sugar, maple syrup and marscapone. Really, really good. You can also have them with berries, or with the exotic-sounding middle eastern fruit compote (although this has been said to lack a little zing).

I am, quite frankly, amazed this place has not had the gushing, raving praise it deserves (only Cheap Eats has stuck its neck out with a gong). The food is great. The Atomica coffee is excellent. The venue is a cute little white box in a quaint little corner location. The staff are polite. About the only thing wrong with Mitte is that you have to wait a bit. But that's what happens at good places. If you want fast service, go somewhere bad, where there are no other patrons to get in the way.

19/20 "poached egg perfection"

Dottie's True Blue Cafe, San Francisco

Next time you're in downtown San Francisco, and the smug levels are safe, get yourself to Dottie's True Blue Cafe, 522 Jones Street, Tel +1 (415) 885-2767. Don't be put off by the line running out the door and down the hill. Breakfast at Dottie's is awesome.



I'm not sure how much the specials menu changes each day, but on my visit (the day after election day) it was dripping with options, and my mouth was dripping with drool. Pumpkin chocolate chip French toast with toasted pecans and pure maple syrup ($10.95). Smoked salmon, caper, tomato, scallion and cream cheese scramble with house-baked toast and potatoes ($12.95). Pulled pork, roasted sweet onion and jack cheese scramble with flour tortillas and potatoes ($10.95). And Prius drivers, who like the smell of their own emissions, will find it hard to resist a serve of black bean cakes and eggs ($8.50). That'll keep you fueled up for a whole day of sulfur-sniffing self-satisfaction.

My smoked whiskey-fennel sausage and mushroom scramble was magnificent. The service was great, with frequent top-ups of decent coffee. And from my bar-side perch I had a bird's eye view of the kitchen action. This was indeed a day of hope.

19/20 "scrambelicious"

Braeside Cafe, Mt Macedon

It's not often that you get to meet the chickens before you taste the eggs. And it's not often that you find a breakfast venue like the Braeside Cafe, 47 Taylors Road, Mt Macedon, Tel +61 3 5426 1762. With chickens, rosellas and kangaroos in the top paddock, it's quite the Harry Butler experience. And the food kicks arse.



You will search long and hard before you find a big breakfast to match this one: two poached (garden-fresh) eggs with hollandaise on home-made toast; a delicious pile of sauteed mushrooms; rashers of extra tasty bacon; roasted tomato; and a big, fat "Istrian" sausage served with a splodge of Gyda's chutney ($15). In 40 years I will be boring the grand-kids with stories of this one: "You call that a sausage, Johnny? Let me tell you about the pork banger I had back in the Winter of 2007..."



But that's not all. This place was scoring faster than a supermodel at a swingers convention. Creamy scrambled eggs with smoked salmon ($10). Excellent eggs Florentine ($10). Corn fritters with salmon, spinach, chutney and a poached egg ($12). Great Grinders coffee. Fancy tea in china pots. Flawless, friendly service. And a cosy, country vibe with warming fire and garden views. If they hadn't run out of pancakes (with bacon and maple syrup), this might well have been my first perfect 20.

You do need to get there before noon, and you may need to book, but it's well worth the one-hour drive from Melbourne if you feel like a road trip.

19/20 "best sausage"

Mart 130, Middle Park

It was stars galore this morning at Mart 130, 107a Canterbury Rd, Middle Park, Tel +61 3 9690 8831. First, we snare a table right next door to Slashie-award winning model-slash-author Tara Moss, who seemed to be enjoying her scrambled eggs. Then, as we're leaving, who should roll up in his groovy black Jag but Academy-award winning animator, Adam Elliot, aka Harvey Krumpet. This place is paparazzi paradise. Great for breakfast, too.



Days after I dish out my best corn fritters award, along comes Mart 130 to make me look stupid. Yes, that's right. This morning's corn fritters were definitely equal to, and probably a whisker better than those at Replete Providore. And that's quite a feat. I think it was the quality of the corn that did it. Fresh from the cob, and noticeably so. Plump, juicy, tasty little kernels, bound together in a fritter stack, with bacon, relish and sour cream. As Richie Benaud would say... Marvellous.

Not only is the food good, but it's cheap. House made baked beans with ham hock on sourdough toast (excellent toast, by the way), under $9. Poached free range eggs with asparagas, mushrooms, hollandaise and chives, under $10. Mart granola or bircher muesli, under $7. Or Pancakes with berries and lemon yoghurt, under $10.

And then there's the venue. If Bills is Sydney, then Mart is Melbourne. It's hidden away so you can't find it (at least, not without a few pointers from someone in the know). It's not a rip-off. And it doubles as a tram stop. Ding ding. Grab a spot on the back deck and soak up the Albert Park views... Marvellous.

Rounding out a star performance, the Mart team was very friendly, with great attention to detail. Good coffee (Genovese) and OJ too. My only small gripe was the portion size. My serve of scrambles and beans was a tad skimpy.

19/20 "breakfast star"



Eggs & Bacon $9.90 BB100 -1%

Circa, St Kilda

Foodies love to bang on about Andrew McConnell, the part chef, part wizard who currently weaves his culinary magic at Circa, the Prince, 2 Acland Street, St Kilda, Tel +61 3 9536 1122. Such are his powers that I am thinking of starting a rumour that he is also, secretly, the Grand Master of the Priory of Sion, or at least one of the Senechaux. This is, after all, the man whose first restaurant was called Diningroom 211. Yes, that's right, 211... a perfect, inverted Fibonacci sequence. Think about that next time you're dining at the The Prince... and order yourself a Bloody Mary... Spooky.



Of course, after the disappointment of Mrs Jones (the Grand Master's other place of business), I arrived at Circa expecting a less-than-magical performance. The breakfast menu's have more than a passing similarity, with matching crumpet, doughnut and croque monsieur offerings, to name just three. So I was worried that my order of scrambled eggs was going to arrive in the style of an overcooked omelette, as it had during last week's visit to Mrs Jones.

Silly me. This was Circa. Holy ground. No mistakes allowed. The scrambles were flawless, and the breakfast experience up there with the very best.

Circa really gets it right at every level. The service is slick from the moment you arrive. The venue is spacious, stylish and comfortable, from the white leather banquettes to the theatrical mini-spots illuminating each table. And the food and coffee are truly excellent. Some of my extras weren't quite deserving of top marks (specifically the bacon skewers, toast and truss tomatoes, all of which were merely good), but just about everything else was. The smoked salmon croque monsieur, for example, was perfectly done, with a layer of dill-and-caper-infused cream cheese protecting the salmon from the perils of too much heat.

If you're careful, the Circa breakfast might only set you back around $20 a head. But throw in a couple of glasses of Pol Roger and you can double that. It's not cheap, but nor should it be. This is a special place.

19/20 "the grand master"