Book Talk, Richmond

Part book store, part cafe, an abundance of fried meat...

Qantas Flight QF 93, Trans-Pacific

Mmmmm... airplane food. After a dozen hours crammed in like a sardine, I was looking forward to any breakfast. Even this. And despite looking rather sad, it was quite edible, if a little difficult to eat. You just need to take turns using your elbows. And carefully time each forkful of scrambled egg so that it makes the journey to your mouth without incident. Turbulence is a bitch.

Dottie's True Blue Cafe, San Francisco

Next time you're in downtown San Francisco, and the smug levels are safe, get yourself to Dottie's True Blue Cafe, 522 Jones Street, Tel +1 (415) 885-2767. Don't be put off by the line running out the door and down the hill. Breakfast at Dottie's is awesome.



I'm not sure how much the specials menu changes each day, but on my visit (the day after election day) it was dripping with options, and my mouth was dripping with drool. Pumpkin chocolate chip French toast with toasted pecans and pure maple syrup ($10.95). Smoked salmon, caper, tomato, scallion and cream cheese scramble with house-baked toast and potatoes ($12.95). Pulled pork, roasted sweet onion and jack cheese scramble with flour tortillas and potatoes ($10.95). And Prius drivers, who like the smell of their own emissions, will find it hard to resist a serve of black bean cakes and eggs ($8.50). That'll keep you fueled up for a whole day of sulfur-sniffing self-satisfaction.

My smoked whiskey-fennel sausage and mushroom scramble was magnificent. The service was great, with frequent top-ups of decent coffee. And from my bar-side perch I had a bird's eye view of the kitchen action. This was indeed a day of hope.

19/20 "scrambelicious"

Simpsons-in-the-Strand, London

Credit is a system whereby a person who cannot pay gets another person who cannot pay to guarantee that he can pay.

Charles Dickens

I wonder if Dickens had good credit at his old haunt, Simpson's-in-the-Strand, 100 Strand, London, Tel +44 20 7836 9112? These days, at around 20-quid-a-head for breakfast, it's certainly the kind of place where you want someone else to pay. But for a great British experience, the Great British breakfast is worth the cash. Or credit. If you can still get it.

Richmond Hill Cafe and Larder

Well it must be said that RHCL is much better than I remember from previous visits. Best of all, they serve an excellent house-made sausage and buttered spinach. Pretty good scrambles, too...

Caffe Sienna, South Yarra

If you like posing and perving, then get yourself to Caffe Sienna, 402 Chapel Street, South Yarra, Tel +61 3 9827 1353. It is a poser's and perve's paradise. And if you manage to score a table fronting onto Chapel Street, there's generally plenty to perve at. You know... Ducatis and Lamborghinis and hot chicks and stuff like that.



The "mediterranean" pork sausage looked like it got caught in a Ducati sprocket, but it was tasty and good. The scrambled eggs Sienna were also pretty good, souped up with capsicum, spring onion, bacon bits and tasty cheese. The toast ("Jurgens cob") was a bit dry and stale.

The menu aims to cover all bases for its target customers. For the skinny, narcissistic, Posh lookalike, there's Special K (presumably a small bowl served with low-fat water). For the iron-man lookalike there's a bowl of Nutri-Grain, followed by a "Big Brekki" of eggs, bacon, sausage, tomato, mushroom and mass-produced hash browns. Or your choice of muesli, porridge, bagels, croissants and omelettes.

Service was OK, but not great, mostly because it was slow and not very attentive. I hate it when staff are nowhere to be found, right when you need them. Like when you want to see a menu, or place an order, or pay the bill, etc.

12/20 "impressive sausage"



Eggs & Bacon $9.70 BB100 -3%

Jack in the Box, Los Angeles

This particular Jack-in-the-Box breakfast dish was called the "Ultimate Sausage" breakfast sandwich. But I'm struggling to see how this could be the ultimate in sausages. Perhaps they mean "ultimate" in the sense that "this is the last sausage you will ever eat..." or ever want to eat? It's so bad, it will put you off sausages for life.



Actually, that's a bit harsh. It was no worse than a Macca's sausage patty. And I did eat it all. In fact, it went very well with the fluffy buns and stick-to-your-teeth plastic cheese. But I can think of many more enjoyable ways to consume that many calories (570 calories per serve, apparently).

Gingerlee, Brunswick East

Whatever you do, don't make the mistake of typing "Ginger Lee" into Google during work hours. Or, worse, school hours. Because you may stumble across a clip from "Stuffin Young Muffins 5", which... how do I put this... is not a cooking video. But don't worry. There are no muffins on the breakfast menu at Gingerlee, 117 Lygon Street, Brunswick East, Tel +61 3 9380 4430. You can, however, "check display for daily tarts".



I'm not really a tart man, so I went with poached eggs, shaved ham, roasted tomato, spicy pork and fennel sausage, shallot jam and rocket (lots of rocket). The eggs were very good, and, even better, served on toasted Dench sourdough. But the pork sausage was the star of the show. Worth the $16.50 price tag.

By all accounts, the rest of the menu is equally good. Ange has already raved about the Syrian style French toast with orange blossom syrup, honey labne, stewed rhubarb and pistachios (mmmm... pistachios). The Veggies have raved about the poached eggs with "slow braised" mushrooms, avocado, lemon and persian feta. And I quite liked the sound of the gluten free toasted macadamia muesli with kiwi, banana and honey cinnamon yoghurt.

Gingerlee is also a very stylish venue, with concrete floors, high ceilings, black tables and nice brown bentwood chairs. The syndicate organic free trade coffee was very good, too.

Originally I gave this place the benefit of the doubt and scored it 18/20. But in light of all the comments I'm downgrading to 16/20.

16/20 "food porn"

Braeside Cafe, Mt Macedon

It's not often that you get to meet the chickens before you taste the eggs. And it's not often that you find a breakfast venue like the Braeside Cafe, 47 Taylors Road, Mt Macedon, Tel +61 3 5426 1762. With chickens, rosellas and kangaroos in the top paddock, it's quite the Harry Butler experience. And the food kicks arse.



You will search long and hard before you find a big breakfast to match this one: two poached (garden-fresh) eggs with hollandaise on home-made toast; a delicious pile of sauteed mushrooms; rashers of extra tasty bacon; roasted tomato; and a big, fat "Istrian" sausage served with a splodge of Gyda's chutney ($15). In 40 years I will be boring the grand-kids with stories of this one: "You call that a sausage, Johnny? Let me tell you about the pork banger I had back in the Winter of 2007..."



But that's not all. This place was scoring faster than a supermodel at a swingers convention. Creamy scrambled eggs with smoked salmon ($10). Excellent eggs Florentine ($10). Corn fritters with salmon, spinach, chutney and a poached egg ($12). Great Grinders coffee. Fancy tea in china pots. Flawless, friendly service. And a cosy, country vibe with warming fire and garden views. If they hadn't run out of pancakes (with bacon and maple syrup), this might well have been my first perfect 20.

You do need to get there before noon, and you may need to book, but it's well worth the one-hour drive from Melbourne if you feel like a road trip.

19/20 "best sausage"

Fuzzy's Grub, London

Little did I know that, as I tucked into this sausage and egg sarnie from Fuzzy's Grub, on the other side of the world Eddie McGuire was boning himself. Luckily, there were no bones in my bangers. Just meat, and the usual extenders they stuff them with. Tasty.



Ordering at Fuzzy's proved to be something of a challenge. It all started smoothly enough...

Me: "A toasted sausage and egg sandwich on granary, please..."

Fuzzy: "Yes..."

Me: "And some HP sauce..."

Fuzzy: "Sorry?" (confused look)

Me: "Some HP sauce..."

Fuzzy: "Some?" (more confused look)

Me: "H... P... sauce..."

Fuzzy: "H... P...?" (totally confused look)

At this point it occurs to me that this particular Fuzzy's guest-worker has a less-than-perfect grasp of English, and despite the use of "HP sauce" on the menu above her head, is not fully up to speed on her brown sauce brands. So I connect the dots...

Me: "Brown sauce..."

Fuzzy: "Aaaaah... brown sauce... yes!"

And so we were back on track... until further down the production line, when I'm asked if I would like some salt and pepper. At this point I used what I thought was international sign language for "a little bit" and made that gesture where you hold up your index finger very close to your thumb... the kind of gesture that can ruin a man's reputation in the bedroom... you know the one.

Fuzzy then proceeded to drown my sandwich in a blizzard of salt and pepper, before asking me if it was OK. I think she may have seen the look of horror on my face.

Me: "No, it's not OK, but it's too late now, so don't worry about it..."

And that was that. The sandwich was a bit spicy, but otherwise very good. Once you learn to speak Fuzzy's, it's easy to see why people keep coming back for more.

Cathay Pacific CX 263 to Paris

For some strange reason, Cathay decided to add corn to their breakfast spread of omelette, sausage, bacon and tomato. That's different. I also got a croissant, some fruit and a tub of yoghurt. The coffee wasn't great.

Subway, Melbourne

According to the wrapper on my "Aussie Sausage" breakfast roll, "cookies may contain traces of nuts or peanuts, even if not included in the ingredient list." Fascinating... Now I know that: (a) peanuts are not actually nuts; and (b) they may turn up in my nut-free cookie. But what's that got to do with my egg and sausage roll? Welcome to Subway, 1-5 Elizabeth Street, Melbourne, Tel +61 3 9629 9200. Eat Fresh.



Despite making it in front of me, there was nothing particularly fresh about my breakfast. The egg was microwaved. The sausage was microwaved. The bacon was microwaved. And then the whole compilation was microwaved for good measure.

The food tasted OK, but the coffee (a cappucino) was disgusting. It was borderline drinkable, but not the least bit enjoyable the way good coffee should be.

6/20 "microwaved fresh"



Eggs & Bacon $6.95 BB100 -30%