Bills Scrambled Eggs Really Are That Good

Some things are over-hyped. Like Facebook. Kylie's bum. And the Toyota Prius. But Bills scrambled eggs really are the best you will ever have. Anywhere. In the world. Or the Galaxy. Or the entire Universe. So silky. So light. So creamy. So good.



At one point, Mr Bills himself came flouncing through the restaurant, and I was almost tempted to bow down and indenture myself as his life-long slave. But then I tasted the crappy bacon. How can such fine eggs be served with such pathetic, soggy little parcels of bacon? Shame, shame, shame...

Sydney's Sausages are Nasty

At least that's what Grant Kells reckons. So nasty that he had to get one custom made by the local butcher. Whatever it takes to win the race for Sydney's best breakfast. Because in case you hadn't heard, breakfast is the new black. To find out who else is in the race, and how the Sydney Morning Herald rates them, check out Keith Austin's story for Good Living.

Glass at the Hilton, Sydney

As Matthew Evans would say, it's a swank venue. No, not Coco Roco. I'm talking about Glass Brasserie, Level 2, 488 George Street, Sydney. The swank and, dare I say, spiffing restaurant at the Hilton. But is it Sydney's finest breakfast? According to the propaganda floating around the hotel, yes. According to me, no. But that's just my opinion.



I wouldn't go so far as to call the scrambled eggs "outstandingly dull", but they were a little bit bland. Nothing a bit of salt and pepper couldn't fix (except that my pepper grinder was empty). Otherwise, my a la carte order of "fresh country eggs" looked like it had been freshly spooned off the buffet spread and onto a plate. A bucket-load of limp, greasy bacon; a few very nice little snags; good sauteed spinach; some soft tomato (which I didn't eat); and some dull mushrooms.

Technically I shouldn't have got the mushrooms, which were a feature of the $27 "plated breakfast", and I should have got "herb roasted potatoes" (part of my $17 breakfast). I asked were my spuds were and was quickly presented with a side of disc-shaped hash browns (with no obvious sign of herbs).

Apart from this plating mix-up, the service was attentive, swift and polite, as you'd expect in a swank, spiffing venue. Basically, it's a good spot for a power-breakfast, but there's nothing remarkable about the food. And let's not forget the warm and fuzzy feeling you'll get from supporting the Hilton family during this difficult time.

14/20 "swank"

Surry Bills

Actually, it's called "bills Surry Hills", 359 Crown Street, Surry Hills, +61 2 9360 4762. The 2nd of the bills franchise, or empire, or whatever you want to call it. Here you'll find the signature creamy scrambled eggs, corn fritters with bacon, and ricotta hotcakes with honeycomb butter and banana. So this morning I decided to see if the hotcakes taste as good as they look...



The verdict? Very good. Nice fat hotcakes with the odd lump of ricotta sealed inside. A couple of discs of honeycomb-speckled butter, which added grease but not alot of honey flavour. And some sliced up, bruised banana, which is forgivable given Australia's Cyclone-Larry-induced banana crisis.

Fifi Foveaux's, Surry Hills

Pretty much everything is red at Fifi Foveaux's, 428 Crown Street, Surry Hills, Tel +61 2 9380 6881. From the hats of the gnome stools to the perspex chandeliers and all the wallpaper in between. Except the scrambled eggs, of course. They were a creamy yellow colour. And what a luscious plate of scrambles they were. Soft, rich and slightly cheesy. Delicious.



The bacon and mushies were pretty good too, as was the multi-grain toast. And a small dish of HP sauce was delivered on demand. Hard to fault really.

Fifi does a couple of omelettes, with fetta, tomato and spinach, or with smoked salmon, red capsicum and spanish onion. Then there's smoked salmon benedict (but apparently no ham version), a bacon and egg roll, and a BLT with home-made pesto mayonnaise.

Sweet toast also seems to be a specialty of this place. Choose from sour cherry toast, banana and walnut toast, or toasted coconut loaf. Or get some plain white toast and smear it with ricotta and honey.



If nothing else, it's worth coming here just to make the claim that you once ate breakfast with a gnome's head pressed firmly to your backside.

To cap it all off, Fifi is cheap. Nothing over 10 bucks.

16/20 "who's been sitting on my gnome?"



Eggs & Bacon $8.50 BB100 -15%

Three Eggs, Bondi Beach

If there's a Sydney equivalent of St Kilda's Galleon Cafe, then I think it's Three Eggs, 100 Brighton Bvd, Bondi Beach, Tel +61 2 9365 6262. It has the same shabby charm as the Galleon, the same around-the-corner-down-the-road obscurity, and (it seems) the same loyal fan-base of locals. It also does a mean breakfast.



My parmesan scrambled eggs with bacon and avocado were most enjoyable. Good scrambles, pretty good bacon (enhanced by HP sauce), ripe avocado, and two slices of an excellent white toast... crunchy on the surface, yet dense and soft at the core. The coffee was very good too.

Of course, food tastes better when you feel good. So the friendly staff, buzzy vibe, and a bright red feature wall each play a part in the Three Eggs experience. My only complaint was that on a sticky day (like today) the place gets a bit hot and stuffy.



Other noteworthy egg dishes include a goat's cheese omelette with mushrooms, spinach and sage; and a poached egg with prosciutto-wrapped asparagas, parmesan and balsamic. Sweet-tooths may prefer the buttermilk pancakes with hazelnut butter, banana and date syrup. Or maybe raisin toast with marscapone, walnuts and honey.

16/20 "nice avs"



Eggs & Bacon $11.30 BB100 +13%

Bills Reloaded

Last time I accused Bills of being a two trick pony. Great scrambles, great hotcakes, and not much else. I stand corrected. I am upgrading this particular pony to three, and possibly four tricks. The corn fritters are also very good (although not as good as Replete), and it looks like the bircher muesli deserves high praise too. But that's it. Bad luck if you want something exotic, like, hmmm... poached eggs. Sorry, we don't do those.



This morning's brekky was made all the more exciting by the presence of Agent Smith, right across the communal table from us. Yes, Bill's lived up to its star-spotting credentials, and I am now able to say that I had breakfast with Hugo Weaving (we shared a table, after all). I kept hoping Trinity would join us, but the damned agent scared her off.

Blue Orange, Bondi

If you're planning to take a dip in the Bondi surf, make sure you do it before having brekky at Blue Orange, 49 Hall Street, Bondi Beach, Tel +61 2 9300 9885. There was no way I was dragging my bloated body onto the beach after such a huge plate of eggs, bacon, snags, mushies and corn bread. The whale rescue team would've been rolling me back to deeper water within minutes.



This place is like a strange blend of beach bungalow and ski lodge, but it works. Pine panelled walls, low corky ceiling, comfy banquettes and windows that open onto the busy Bondi street. Very cool.

But it's the food that really won me over. Tasty scrambles, delicious bacon, two beef bangers, juicy garlic roasted mushrooms and a magnificent slice of home-made corn bread. Throw in great Lavazza coffee, HP sauce and quick service and you're in brekky heaven. No weak links.

18/20 "mmm... corn bread"

Spring Espresso, Potts Point

Today, in the first of a frenzy of Sydney breakfasts, I dodged my way through the Kings Cross freak-show to a place called Spring Espresso, 65 Macleay Street, Potts Point, Tel +61 2 9331 0190. Apparently Wallpaper* once rated this place as Sydney's best breakfast spot, and first impressions (menu and venue) were good. Unfortunately, the food was shite. Steer clear of the baked egg pot at all costs.



It sounded good... baked eggs with pesto, tomato and fetta. But when it arrived, the pesto egg mix was dry and bland, the tomato lacked flavour, and I had as much chance of finding a stockpile of WMD as finding a bit of fetta. They had even sliced the rubbery top off someone else's egg pot and perched it on mine, in an effort to hide the fact that mine had failed to rise.

The good news is that Spring serves Cremcaffe, and it is without doubt the best coffee I've ever had.

11/20 "gone to pot"

Bathers' Pavilion, Balmoral Beach

If Bills is the place for "Sydney Food", then the Bathers' Pavilion, Tel +61 2 9969 5050, is the place for a "Sydney Experience". It's slick, expensive, and on the beach. Balmoral beach, to be precise. You'll struggle to find a better brekky venue.



For me, this was a step back in time. My first childhood memory of a weekend breakfast treat was the "Balmoral Schooner" of eggs, bacon, etc, etc, at this very same spot. These days the signature fry-up has the rather more boring moniker of "Balmoral Breakfast", but it was amazing how familiar the place seemed over 25 years on. Same light and airy buzz. Same outlook to North Head. Same shark nets across the beach (although they looked much bigger when I was a kid).

Today I went with the Eggs Benedict, with an excellent side of hash browns (soft cakes of grated potato, well-grilled on both sides). The poached eggs were good (but slightly underdone), the hollandaise was tart with just a hint of sweetness, and the bacon and muffins just right. All in all, a very satisfying meal.

The coffee was good, the service excellent (and swift), but at over $30 for breakfast and two coffees, this place ain't cheap.

16/20 "best venue"

Bills, Darlinghurst

There are plenty of people who rate Bills, 433 Liverpool Street, Darlinghurst, Tel +61 2 9360 9631, as Sydney's best breakfast. Indeed, Bill Grainger is quite the Jamie Oliver. He has a string of cookbooks to his name (including one called "Sydney Food") and is now a fully-fledged celebrity chef (and media tart). But like Sydney, Bills is a bit of a two-trick pony. Spectacular harbour... sublime scrambled eggs. Fantastic beaches... fat and fluffy hotcakes. But then what?



In the case of my breakfast, disappointment, I'm afraid to say. The bacon was very average, the mushrooms were bland and boring, and the toast ought to have been served with safety goggles. Chipping bits off carried high risks. I almost took out an eye with a stray shard of organic spelt.

Don't get me wrong. The scrambles were light, creamy, and up there with the very best. And, although I didn't taste them, the ricotta hotcakes, served with fresh banana and honeycomb butter, looked truly rave-worthy. But you can't afford to have weak links, and Bills does.

Actually, judging by the steady stream of people waiting for tables (or waiting for a spot on the very large communal table), you can afford to have weak links. Maybe they come here to see and be seen? I spotted at least two celebrity imposters in just one sitting (one Paris-clone, one Moby-clone). Who knows who I'll be dining with next time?

15/20 "sublime scrambled"