Cheeky Monkey, Richmond

When you tear a hamstring, does eating bacon speed your recovery? If so, maybe Ben Cousins should start each day with a big serve of bacon and eggs at Cheeky Monkey, 89a Swan Street, Richmond, Tel +61 3 9428 8833. It's not the best breakfast in Tigerland, but they do give you plenty of bacon.



Then again, maybe Swan Street isn't the best place for a recovering drug addict to be starting each day. There were junkies lying in the streets when I was there. OK, there was one junkie. But he was lying in the street. And "Cousins hangs with Junkies" is not the kind of headline Ben needs right now. Not with "good friends" like Fat Ange Venditti fuelling the media flames.

Despite being a cool-looking venue, with a graffiti-style stencil mural of monkeys all over the exterior walls, Cheeky Monkey was a bit of a disappointment. My scrambled eggs, bacon and mushrooms were OK, but why are they using boring white toast when Almost French is baking excellent sourdough right across the road? And cheddar-toasted muffins with eggs, bacon and hollandaise ($14.90) might have been a winner, but for the addition of crispy onion rings and a drizzle of BBQ sauce over the hollandaise. Weird. Even the chive crepes topped with poached egg, smoked salmon, sliced avocado and dill hollandaise ($15.90) sounded better than it looked.

Maybe they do a better job with the jumbo corn fritters, the hotcake stack, or the coconut and banana bread?

The coffee, at least, was good.

15/20 "bacon"

Highland Kitchen, Somerville

Readers of The Tipping Point will recall the claim that a small bunch of super-influencial East-Village hipster-trendoids started wearing Hush Puppies and, hey presto, they were tranformed into must-wear footwear for the masses. Which begs the question: if the cool kids start eating hush puppies for breakfast, will they trigger the breakfast food fad of 2009? To find out, I urge all foodie fashionistas to get on down to Highland Kitchen, 150 Highland Avenue, Somerville, MA, Tel +1 (617) 625-1131, and order a side of deep-fried pups.



Not everyone agrees with Malcolm Gladwell mind you. Duncan Watts reckons the super-influencer theory is toast, and that mere mortals are just as likely to trigger a fashion epidemic. What matters is whether the world is ready for deep fried corn bread. If the food is right, any idiot could trigger an outbreak. Even me.

So, all you need to decide is what to have with your hush puppies. I couldn't resist the chicken liver omelette. Tasty chicken livers, fried up with chunks of bacon and smothered in real cheddar cheese (not the plastic American cheese you find in diners, etc). A bit too rich and heavy, but very enjoyable nonetheless.

Other options include: smoked trout and bacon hash, or smoked pork hash, each served with 2 fried eggs and collard greens; shrimp and grits with smoked bacon, mushrooms and collard greens; buttermilk pancakes; organic granola; Iggy's plain or chocolate croissants; and, of course, biscuits with sausage gravy.

Most breakfasts are under $10, the coffee and services is good, and the venue has a warm buzz.

15/20 "chicken liver omelette"

Lava, St Kilda East

Last night, having snatched once more at the ring of power, Howard fell like Gollum into the lava of political death. So it seems only fitting to be writing about my breakfast at Lava, 219 Carlisle Street, East St Kilda, Tel +61 3 9527 2205. You can almost smell it. Howard, and all his pork, going down in flames. Mmmm... crispy bacon. Makes me hungry.



Lava's bacon, while not especially crispy, was good enough, especially when combined with a chunk of avocado and some sauteed mushrooms. Rounded out with a large serve of scrambled eggs, the "Lava breakfast" was very satisfying. A Snickers breakfast, if you like. You won't leave this place hungry.

Perched on the corner of a large communal table (very handy for reading the newspapers and checking out what others are eating), I eye-balled at least a couple of tasty offerings. The potato rosti, for example, is actually eggs florentine (poached with spinach and hollandaise) served on a rosti rather than muffins. The gluten-free crowd should love it. Or, for vegans, they offer house-made Lava beans served with feta on toast. Both looked good. If these don't float your boat, there are many other choices on the menu: muffins, croissants, banana bread, muesli, pancakes, porridge, omelettes (with or without yolks) and more.

In case you missed it, the quote of election night has to go to Kerry O'Brien, reflecting on the McKew-Howard battle for Bennelong: "It looks like a 5% swing to the ABC..."

15/20 "rosti florentine"



Eggs & Bacon $10.60 BB100 +6%

Lumiere, Surry Hills

Even personal trainers have PR consultants in Sydney, as I discovered during breakfast at Lumiere, Shop 13, 425 Bourke Street, Surry Hills, Tel +61 2 9331 6184. Such are the joys of breakfasting alone. You get to hear some of the funniest things.



I was planning to have breakfast at a place called Sage, to which the SMH gave a glowing review, and which has a very snazzy website. Problem was, the joint is closed. Gone. So I went to Lumiere instead.

Not that I'm complaining. My poached eggs with spinach, prosciutto and hollandaise was very good. I still prefer ham or bacon with my eggs, but at least they used good quality prosciutto. And the hollandaise was excellent.

Nice menu, too. Four fancy omelettes: roasted tomato and caramelised onion; ocean trout, creme fraiche and dill; haloumi and wilted spinach; or mushrooms, chorizo, chives and parmesan. House made toasted muesli with nuts, seeds, baked rhubarb and yoghurt. Eggs benny with smoked trout. And ricotta hotcakes with sour cherries, honeycomb and marscapone (an interesting twist on the Bills version).

15/20 "fancy omelettes"



Eggs & Bacon $12.00 BB100 +20%

Corner Store Cafe, North Fitzroy

Part diner, part milk bar, part caff. That's the vibe of the Corner Store Cafe, 100 Scotchmer St, North Fitzroy, Tel +61 3 9489 8505. You can buy the morning paper, order yourself a Grinders cappucino, and settle down to a relaxing breakfast at one of several retro tables. The food's not quite as good as Dench or Green Grocer, but it's got a homely X factor that draws you in. Except on Sundays, when they're closed.



I was very happy with my serve of poached free range eggs with sides of bacon and beans. The home made beans were particularly good, with a thick tomato sauce and nice soft beans of various shapes and sizes. The weak link was the toast, which was some kind of thin-sliced, processed variety. With Dench Bakers just across the road, I can only assume the decision to serve low-grade toast is driven by economics. But if cutting costs is so important, why not serve caged eggs and beans from a can?

The Corner Store menu is broad, but no frills. You can get eggs, bacon and extras, but nothing fancy like Benedict or Florentine. They also do "Lite" versions of the "Vegetarian Special" (which includes mushrooms, tomato and spinach) and the "Meatie Special" (the vegie extrs plus bacon and sausages). Lite seems to mean 1 egg and 1 toast, rather than 2. They also do omelettes, French toast, pancakes and porridge (the hot stuff), and muesli or fruit salad (the cold stuff).

For dog owners, smokers and lovers of fresh air, there's a couple of street-side tables. But with Melbourne cloaked in a brown haze of bushfire smoke, and the temperature heading for the high 30s (100+ in old-speak), this was not a day for fresh air.

15/20 "retro"



Eggs & Bacon $9.00 BB100 -10%

Atomica, Fitzroy

Atomica is a strange name for a Brunswick Street cafe. I would have thought the Fitzroy crowd would be happier if the place was called "Windmills" or "Solar" or something less radioactive. But it seems the coffee is so good that the locals are willing to turn a blind eye to a bit of pro-nuke subliminal advertising. Good coffee will do that to you. And this place does seriously good coffee. The froth on my cappucino was silky smooth.



The eggs are good too. I was very happy with my benedict on bagel with a side of sauteed spinach. Eggs poached just right, bacon crispy but not burnt, and nice toasty bagel to give the dish some crunch. Another item to catch my eye was the three cheese omelette, with feta, mozzarella and parmesan, served on toasted sourdough. Have't seen one of those before and it sounded pretty good.

If you're the experimental type, you could have some fun with the Atomica pancakes. You get pancakes with maple syrup, plus any two of banana, bacon, natural yoghurt, berry compote, berry yoghurt, and fresh fruit. How does bacon and berry yoghurt sound? Molecular gastronomy for breakfast.

15/20 "nice coffee"



Eggs & Bacon $9.50 BB100 -5%

Cafe 3A, Brunswick

It turns out that size doesn't matter after all. It's all about performance. Admirably demonstrated this morning (this afternoon actually) at Cafe 3A, 3A Edward Street, Brunswick, Tel +61 3 9380 4996. The venue is tiny. The "Pistachio Poached" breakfast was very good. And the Ethiopian Gold coffee was superb.



I enjoyed my "lemon butter pistachio pesto spread on sourdough with two poached eggs, whipped ricotta and preserved lemon and avocado salad." But as good as it was, the the menu made it sound so good that the actual dish struggled to live up to high expectations. The flavour of the lemon butter pistachio "pesto" was too subtle. It lacked the tasty kick you get from traditional garlic-basil pesto. And neither the whipped ricotta nor the avocado managed to fill the flavour void. Call me picky.

I reckon a better option might be the Olivada Poached, served on sourdough with olivada, fetta and capers (a bargain at $7.50). Or maybe the scrambled green eggs and ham with salsa verde, bacon and slow roasted tomato.

15/20 "is small, is good"



Eggs & Bacon $8.00 BB100 -20%

Blush Foodroom, Kensington

After spending several hours (OK, maybe it was more like 45 minutes) trying to find the Boathouse, somewhere on the banks of the mighty Maribyrnong River, I was delighted to discover that (a) Vodafone has apparently never heard of it; (b) they stop serving breakfast at 11.30 (flashback to Canberra in the 90s); and (c) we couldn't have a table because they were getting busy with the lunch crowd and they didn't want to compromise the quality of the dining experience. Great. Trek out to woop woop and get rejected. So we went looking for a proper breakfast venue. And we found Blush Foodroom, 43 Epsom Road, Kensington, Tel +61 3 9376 1222.



Apart from some woody old mushrooms, my big breakfast of scrambles, bacon, sausages, spicy relish, potato fritter and toast was very good. The poached googs were also good, but not consistently so. One of ours was over-done.

On a sweeter note, they did a very tasty plate of banana pancakes, with lime and pineapple syrup and white chocolate ice-cream. The toasted muesli with vanilla and brown fig also sounded interesting. And as we were leaving, I eye-balled a towering stack of cinnamon French toast with whipped orange butter, berries and maple syrup. Worth coming back for.

15/20 "sweet"



Eggs & Bacon $9.00 BB100 -10%

Small Block, Brunswick East

Slowly but surely the latte left has grown up, paired off, and settled in Brunswick. With a critical mass of comrades invading Melbourne's once desolate inner urban North, it was only a matter of time before the cafes sprang up to service their needs. Enter Small Block, at 130 Lygon Street, Brunswick East, Tel +61 3 9381 2244. A comrade's gotta eat.



Cheap Eats reckons this place serves up one of Melbourne's "sunniest serves of eggs benedict". What exactly is that supposed to mean? Are they the best? Or is this just a fluffy way of saying that there's Eggs Benedict on the menu and they're not too bad? I'm voting for the latter. The eggs and ham were good, the toasted bread roll was an interesting twist, but the hollandaise lacked zing. And good hollandaise needs some zing.

A better option, in my view, would have been the Small Block Summer Breakfast of eggs, beetroot relish, avocado and spinach with a potato and shallot pancake. Or maybe Jed's Bircher muesli with Rhubarb?

As a venue, Small Block is a great example of designer grunge meets industrial chic... the combination of polished concrete floors, original pressed tin ceilings, and comfy 2nd-hand furniture just seemed to work. The place was busy and buzzing, without feeling cramped.

My coffee was good (but not very good), and the service was friendly, if a little slow. Well worth a visit if you're North of the city and looking for eggs.

15/20 "designer grunge for the latte left"

Bills, Darlinghurst

There are plenty of people who rate Bills, 433 Liverpool Street, Darlinghurst, Tel +61 2 9360 9631, as Sydney's best breakfast. Indeed, Bill Grainger is quite the Jamie Oliver. He has a string of cookbooks to his name (including one called "Sydney Food") and is now a fully-fledged celebrity chef (and media tart). But like Sydney, Bills is a bit of a two-trick pony. Spectacular harbour... sublime scrambled eggs. Fantastic beaches... fat and fluffy hotcakes. But then what?



In the case of my breakfast, disappointment, I'm afraid to say. The bacon was very average, the mushrooms were bland and boring, and the toast ought to have been served with safety goggles. Chipping bits off carried high risks. I almost took out an eye with a stray shard of organic spelt.

Don't get me wrong. The scrambles were light, creamy, and up there with the very best. And, although I didn't taste them, the ricotta hotcakes, served with fresh banana and honeycomb butter, looked truly rave-worthy. But you can't afford to have weak links, and Bills does.

Actually, judging by the steady stream of people waiting for tables (or waiting for a spot on the very large communal table), you can afford to have weak links. Maybe they come here to see and be seen? I spotted at least two celebrity imposters in just one sitting (one Paris-clone, one Moby-clone). Who knows who I'll be dining with next time?

15/20 "sublime scrambled"