Post 390, Boston

You'd be surprised how difficult it is to get baked beans for breakfast in Boston. Baked beans are like Massachusetts Republicans. They exist, but they keep a very low profile. So don't be fooled by the brunch menu at Post 390, 406 Stuart Street, Boston, MA, Tel +1 (617) 399-0015. No beans there. But ask your waiter, and tell them how much you were looking forward to sampling their magnificant house-baked beans, and you never know your luck.

South End Buttery, Boston

You can put a cat in the oven, but that don't make it a biscuit.

Wesley Snipes, White Men Can't Jump

Wesley Snipes isn't the only person confused about what makes a biscuit. Most of America (Mr Snipes included) will describe a biscuit as soft and cake-like, not hard and crunchy. The UK tax man tried to argue that Jaffa Cakes (soft, baked treats popular in Britain) are biscuits, which is amusing, since Wesley and the tax man don't usually see eye-to-eye. And despite only selling "cookies" and "crackers", America's Nabisco was originally known as the National Biscuit Company. I guess Nacracko sounded a little too close to crack 'ho.



So, what kind of biscuit did I have for breakfast this morning? A Buttery Country Biscuit from the South End Buttery, 314 Shawmutt Avenue, Boston, Tel +1 (617) 482-1015. Soft on the inside, crunchy on the outside, and crumbly all over.

It tasted pretty good, but I have to wonder about the wisdom of serving a biscuit as a sandwich. Not only do biscuits disintegrate under pressure, but this one was such a towering stack of biscuit, baked egg, bacon and biscuit, that you'd need a Cameron Diaz sized mouth to have any hope of getting your jaws around it. It was also missing the aged cheddar, and very dry, with no condiments or juices to balance things out. I now understand why Southerners and soldiers usually take their biscuits with gravy.

Other options include bagels, "breakfast breads" (banana-date nut loaf, for example), pastries, and cupcakes. I think next time I'll try "Eggs in the Hole" or a "Peanut Buttery" (nutella and homemade peanut butter on toasted croissant). With most breakfast dishes priced under $6, the South End Buttery offers pretty good value.

North, Carlton North

At first glance, hiring Merv Hughes as a behavioural role model for beer-goggled cricket fans might seem about as clever as hiring Shane Warne to babysit your teenage daughter's slumber party. But this summer, Merv will indeed be urging you not to throw hot pies, roast chickens and jars of mayonnaise at your fellow spectator. Not even during a Mexican wave.



Personally, I reckon we should be allowed to throw any of the ingredients for huevos rancheros. Nothing too dangerous about eggs, avocado and some soft corn tortillas. To find out what else you can throw, order yourself a serve of Mexican eggs, ranch-style, at North Cafeteria, 717 Rathdowne Street, Carlton North, Tel +61 3 9348 1276. They make their own tortillas.

If you're not in the mood for a belly full of black beans, you could try the baked eggs with pork sausage and roast fennel bulb. Or the very simple Champion's Breakfast of boiled eggs, toast soldiers and tomato relish.

The sweet tip has to be the French toast with poached pear, walnut and lemon-honey labne. Melinda tipped me off to this one, and I have to agree that it did look extremely good.

North is very nicely fitted-out, with white paint job, arty feature-wall, and red and white tulip chairs (probably not Saarinen-Knoll originals, but you never know). Service was a little slow at first, but it warmed up, and the Coffee Supreme coffee was very good.

16/20 "huevos rancheros"



Eggs & Bacon $10.00 BB100 +0%

Animal Orchestra, Carlton

I've said it before, but I'll say it again: baked-eggs-in-a-pan is the breakfast fad of 2007. And like all true fads, I'm tipping this one won't last. Which isn't good news for Animal Orchestra, 163 Grattan Street, Carlton, Tel +61 3 9349 4944. Baked-eggs-in-a-pan is all they serve (unless you count muesli and toast). But as baked eggs go, the flavours were good.



My main objections to baked eggs are two. First, you sometimes get a slight tinny taste where the food has started to react with the iron of the pan. There were slight hints of this in my serve of eggs, beans and cheese today. Second, the dish is just slightly more annoying to eat than plain old eggs-on-toast. I can never decide whether to hold the toast and dunk it in the eggs, or to rip up bits of toast and sprinkle them through the dish like croutons. Call me picky.

I'm sure there will be baked-egg mavens who will disagree with my fad prediction. And I am quite happy to be proven wrong. But once you've experienced the tinny taste a couple of times, I can't see people going back for more. Maybe the secret is to use enamel pans?

If you like baked eggs, Animal Orchestra certainly has plenty to offer: bacon, tomato mushroom and cheese; potato, leek and shanklish; caramelised witlof and goat's cheese; smoked salmon, dill, capers and onions; and sardines and fetta.

The venue is quirky. Outside they have lots of little stools for Melbourne Uni types to perch on. Inside it looks like someone wallpapered the place with random magazine clippings, including a sprinkling of soft porn (or maybe it was art?).

13/20 "fully baked"

Birdman Eating, Fitzroy

In the famous words of Captain Arnold Rimmer, "Smoke me a kipper skipper, I'll be back for breakfast." Because breakfast is good at Birdman Eating, 238 Gertrude Street, Fitzroy, Tel +61 3 9416 4747. Even the grilled kippers with horseradish butter and fried spuds. If you like fish for breakfast, that is.



Quite salty little fellas, the kippers. But not something I plan to make a habit of. Next time, I think I'll try the cheese kransky with bubble and squeak and poached eggs. Or the hot cinnamon doughnuts with chocolate sauce. Or maybe the baked eggs, which come in four flavours. Some kind of house specialty I think.

Apparently the name of this place was inspired by the Birdman Rally, where crazy people jump off a bridge and attempt to fly down the Yarra. They all end up in the Yarra, of course, which is about as good for you as going for a swim in a sewerage treatment plant. I only hope this morning's kippers weren't made with Yarra herring.

Birdman is a cosy little venue, with friendly staff, good Genovese coffee, and very dinky tea sets. Just remember to wait 30 minutes after breakfast before you go swimming in the Yarra.

16/20 "kippers"

Balzari, Carlton

Unless you were sleeping under a rock (or locked up in Guantanamo Bay) during the TomKat wedding, you would know that Tom vowed to provide Katie with "a pan, a comb, perhaps a cat". So you can imagine my reaction when breakfast arrived this morning at Balzari, 130 Lygon Street, Carlton, Tel +61 3 9639 9383. I'd never seen a more impressive pan than the cast iron monster used to serve my baked eggs. Had I gatecrashed a secret Scientology match-making brunch? Is that person reading a copy of Dianetics? Is that Kate Ceberano sitting in the corner? Why is that interstellar space plane hovering outside?



False alarm. It was just a pan... a very hot pan... filled with baked eggs, softened capsicum, Spanish onion, chorizo, tomato and goats cheese (although the menu said fetta). Without doubt the best baked eggs I've ever had (although it must be said that I don't order baked eggs very often).

If you don't fancy baked eggs, don't worry. You have many good options. The eggs benedict was excellent, with a magnificent, sharp hollandaise. There's a Triple Cheese Toasty with grilled cheddar, fontina and fior di latte mozzarella. Or sweeter options like cinnamon fruit toast; Greek donuts with apricot and chocolate ricotta; and house-made toasted muesli with poached berries.



The coffee is great. The service is great. The bentwood chairs are great. Even the freshly squeezed grapefruit juice is great.

In fact, it's hard to think of anything that isn't great about Balzari. It's just a pity they don't do breakfast during the week.

18/20 "best baked eggs"



Eggs & Bacon $11.50 BB100 +15%

Spring Espresso, Potts Point

Today, in the first of a frenzy of Sydney breakfasts, I dodged my way through the Kings Cross freak-show to a place called Spring Espresso, 65 Macleay Street, Potts Point, Tel +61 2 9331 0190. Apparently Wallpaper* once rated this place as Sydney's best breakfast spot, and first impressions (menu and venue) were good. Unfortunately, the food was shite. Steer clear of the baked egg pot at all costs.



It sounded good... baked eggs with pesto, tomato and fetta. But when it arrived, the pesto egg mix was dry and bland, the tomato lacked flavour, and I had as much chance of finding a stockpile of WMD as finding a bit of fetta. They had even sliced the rubbery top off someone else's egg pot and perched it on mine, in an effort to hide the fact that mine had failed to rise.

The good news is that Spring serves Cremcaffe, and it is without doubt the best coffee I've ever had.

11/20 "gone to pot"