Quaff, Toorak

Toorak, home to Lou Richards, Eddie McGuire and Nathan Buckley (you just can't find a good mansion in Collingwood these days), is also home to a restaurant called Quaff, 436 Toorak Road, Toorak, Tel +61 3 9827 4484. They only do breakfast on weekends, but they do serve a very respectable Eggs Benedict.



Nice toasty muffins. Very good hollandaise. Good ham and good (but not great) eggs. The side of sauteed spinach was also very nice. And if plain old Benedict seems a bit dull, they offer Chili Eggs, which is a bacon Benedict served with chili concassee (whatever that is).

The menu is pretty much all eggs, with a couple of exceptions: toasted fruit bread or pancakes with vanilla bean ice cream and maple syrup. Bad luck if you want something exotic, like muesli.

The venue is dark and plush, a bit like the interior of the 2008 Range Rover Sport LE. So the local toffs can cruise down from Clendon Road in the "tractor" and feel like they never left the 4 car garage.

13/20 "what, no muesli?"

Apte, Alphington

I'm not sure I can call it the perfect breakfast, but this morning I had my first 20/20 experience at Apte, 538-540 Heidleberg Road, Alphington, Tel +61 3 9482 2991. Excellent eggs. Equally great extras. Fantastic fritters. Schmick venue. Smooth service. No mistakes. Schwing!



Perfection, I fear, is an elusive beast. Jessica Alba may be 2007's sexiest, but is she the perfect woman? Derek Zoolander may have been born with perfect bone structure, but is he the perfect man? Robert Parker may have scored the 1986 Romanee Conti Montrachet 100 points, but is it the perfect wine? No, no and no.

So please don't get hung up on the whole perfect score thing. Just enjoy a truly delicious corn, pea and feta fritter, drizzled with dill-infused sour cream and topped with a mountain of Tasmania's finest smoked salmon (and some nice, ripe avocado). Or tuck into a beautifully balanced big breakfast, with eggs, bangers, bacon and house-made relish, plus mushies, spinach, tomato and organic toast. Or go sweet with toasted, house made banana and coconut bread (with honey labna, pistachios and roasted seasonal fruit). Yum, yum and yum.

20/20 "almost perfect"



Eggs & Bacon $10.40 BB100 +4%

North, Carlton North

At first glance, hiring Merv Hughes as a behavioural role model for beer-goggled cricket fans might seem about as clever as hiring Shane Warne to babysit your teenage daughter's slumber party. But this summer, Merv will indeed be urging you not to throw hot pies, roast chickens and jars of mayonnaise at your fellow spectator. Not even during a Mexican wave.



Personally, I reckon we should be allowed to throw any of the ingredients for huevos rancheros. Nothing too dangerous about eggs, avocado and some soft corn tortillas. To find out what else you can throw, order yourself a serve of Mexican eggs, ranch-style, at North Cafeteria, 717 Rathdowne Street, Carlton North, Tel +61 3 9348 1276. They make their own tortillas.

If you're not in the mood for a belly full of black beans, you could try the baked eggs with pork sausage and roast fennel bulb. Or the very simple Champion's Breakfast of boiled eggs, toast soldiers and tomato relish.

The sweet tip has to be the French toast with poached pear, walnut and lemon-honey labne. Melinda tipped me off to this one, and I have to agree that it did look extremely good.

North is very nicely fitted-out, with white paint job, arty feature-wall, and red and white tulip chairs (probably not Saarinen-Knoll originals, but you never know). Service was a little slow at first, but it warmed up, and the Coffee Supreme coffee was very good.

16/20 "huevos rancheros"



Eggs & Bacon $10.00 BB100 +0%

Rumi Kills Breakfast?

After reading much ranting and raving about Rumi, I decided it was time to try breakfast, Persian style. So I dragged myself half-way across town in search of a plate of deep fried eggs and dukkah. Would this mecca of modern-middle-eastern win me over? Or was I destined for disappointment? The latter, I'm afraid. The place was shut. It was 11am on a Saturday morning and I can only conclude that Rumi don't do breakfast no more. Is it true? Has Rumi killed breakfast?

Breakfast Show Cook Off

And the winner is... Iron Chef Hamish, who kicked challenger Adam's arse on the Channel 31 Breakfast Show-Down, whipping up 4 dishes, including a very tasty stack of scrambled eggs, potato rosti and smoked salmon. Adam did show off some nice wrist action with the frying pan, producing a respectable serve of scrambled eggs on avocado toast with chorizo and mushrooms. But pancakes with mango, maple syrup and smoked salmon? Gag me...

Bills Scrambled Eggs Really Are That Good

Some things are over-hyped. Like Facebook. Kylie's bum. And the Toyota Prius. But Bills scrambled eggs really are the best you will ever have. Anywhere. In the world. Or the Galaxy. Or the entire Universe. So silky. So light. So creamy. So good.



At one point, Mr Bills himself came flouncing through the restaurant, and I was almost tempted to bow down and indenture myself as his life-long slave. But then I tasted the crappy bacon. How can such fine eggs be served with such pathetic, soggy little parcels of bacon? Shame, shame, shame...