Greasy Joe's Slips

Finally, after all this time, Babka has a challenger (and I'm not talking beans). Greasy Joe's can thank the waitress in the stripy red top for its rapid slide from the Breakfast Blog Top 20 to not-worth-wasting-your-time-and-money. Not only did they fail to clear plates, and forget about coffee orders for well over 30 minutes, but when we walked up to re-order and inquire, they really didn't care. A couple of us even made a point of clearing our own plates, but still no-one got the message that perhaps we'd like some service.



Here are some tips for anyone running a cafe or restaurant:

1. Please try to look at the customers as you buzz about the venue. There is nothing more frustrating to be waiting for some help, your head bobbing up and down like a prairie dog, only to be treated like an invisible hobbit wearing the ring of power.

2. Make sure that, having ignored tip #1, when a customer starts wandering aimlessly around the venue in search of assistance, you show them some love and tell them you're sorry, even if you have to fake it. At this point, the customer may be a little sarcastic, as in, "Do you think maybe we could get our coffees within the next hour or two?" Don't be sarcastic back. Don't tell them "there's no need to be rude." Don't give them lip. Because if you've kept someone waiting over 30 minutes for a cup of coffee, they've earned a free pass to make at least two sarcastic comments, maybe even three. Grit your teeth and smile.

If only stripy red top knew these simple rules I might consider going back to GJ's one day. Unfortunately, she didn't. And I won't.

BTW, the eggs benny was OK, but nothing special. Go to The Galleon instead.

Greasy Joe's, St Kilda

Greasy Joe's - 68 Acland Street, St Kilda, Tel +61 3 9525 3755 - has got its mojo back. It's bigger than ever (they've annexed the place next door). The vibe is good. And you'll struggle to find a better fry-up anywhere in town. My breakfast with "the lot" was a hearty feast. The "triple bypass breakfast" may well kill you. Three eggs, three snags, three bits of bacon, three hash browns, fried onions... and a porterhouse steak. BYO defibrillator.



Back in the 90s, during a brief period of exile in Canberra, GJ's was one of the Melbourne experiences I missed and craved the most. The thought of parking myself in a booth for a lazy 3pm Saturday brekky of eggs benny made me wonder what I was doing in a freezing wasteland where they served lattes in poncy tall glasses with stems. Then, in more recent times, I had some dud experiences, and I feared that old school Joe's was dead (or suffering from serious heart problems).

After today, I fear no more. GJ's is back. The food is as good as ever, and the kooky but efficient St Kilda staff are on the job. One of the waiters (a bloke) looked like a cross between Nicole Ritchie and a roadie... skinny black jeans and sneakers with a super-size pair of pink sunnies. Very fetching.

The only let-downs were the button mushies (too wet) and the hash browns (too soggy). Otherwise, the eggs were superb, the meats tasty, and the Grinders coffee excellent.

17/20 "triple bypass breakfast"



Eggs & Bacon $8.50 BB100 -15%