Porgie + Mr Jones, Hawthorn

Melbourne's best scrambled eggs? Mr Jones' scrambles with Holy Goat cheese is certainly a contender, with soft, light folds of "happy" free range eggs dotted with silky chunks of goat's curd. The scrambling technique is so light touch that this dish pushes the boundary between scrambles and omelette. Maybe they should call it a scromelette? Maybe not. Either way, it's a must-try breakfast when you visit Porgie + Mr Jones, 291 Auburn Road, Hawthorn, Tel +61 3 9882 2966.



There has already been much raving about P+MJ (as they like to call themselves), with kate and zoe even proclaiming the place Melbourne's best cafe. I don't know if I'd go that far, but it certainly deserves A-list status. The only weak links I can think of are service and coffee, which are merely good, not great.

Food-wise, they didn't put a foot wrong. The poached eggs were excellent. Ditto the thyme-buttered mushies and smashed avocado. There were loud squeals of protest when I tried to steal a taste of the ham, cheese and tomato croissant off the plate of a 2-year-old. And at $4.90, I very nearly ordered a McPorgie chaser: a toasted english muffin stuffed with gypsy ham and "creamy dreamy" scrambles.

Sweet tooths are also well-served: toasted banana bread with maple syrup marscapone, fresh banana, berry compote and crushed pistachios ($12.90); Carmen's bircher muesli with cinnamon poached pear and honeyed yoghurt ($9.90); toasted Noisette fruit bread ($6); and croissants with Bonne Maman jam ($5.50).

And all served in the buzzy surrounds of a designer, recycled, pseudo-industrial fitout. Like a tiny oasis of Fitzroy in the suburbs.

18/20 "silky scrambles"

Cafe Juves, Bundoora

For a bargain breakfast, go to Bundoora...

Almost French, Richmond

A baguette is very French. A scrambled egg and bacon roll is not very French. So I guess it makes sense to describe a scrambled egg and bacon baguette as almost French. And it was an obvious choice for breakfast at Almost French, 138 Swan Street, Richmond, Tel +61 3 9429 2080. Très très yummy.



The quality of the baguette made all the difference to this take-away breakfast. Light and crispy on the outside. Soft, fresh and ever so slightly chewy on the inside. And stuffed with scrambled eggs and a generous amount of crispy bacon through a slit along the spine. I was a little concerned that their re-heating technique might ruin everything (part microwave, part toaster-oven), but it worked just fine.

More bakery than cafe, there are, nonetheless, a handful of small cafe tables for dining in, from which you can admire the handiwork of local celebrity Mirka Mora. You might even get a chance to admire Mirka herself. She popped in for some bread while I was there.

Pearl Cafe, Richmond

Make no mistake. I am a greedy pig. So things are pretty bad when I put the fork down half-way through my eggs. But that's exactly what happened this morning at Pearl Cafe, 599 Church Street, Richmond, Tel +61 3 9427 1307. What a train wreck.



The original Pearl turned coddled eggs into an art form. Pearl Cafe turned out coddled eggs that made my stomach churn. First, they wheel out a dish that it absolutely swimming in raw egg white. Not coddled. Not lightly cooked. Raw. After a short discussion with my waiter we agree that coddled eggs are not supposed to be raw, so they are sent back for a bit more coddling, or so I think. A while later I am presented with a plate of hard, rubbery eggs, the remnants of which are pictured above. Let's not molly-coddle these people. It was disgusting.

Normally, the combination of mushrooms, double-smoked bacon, sage and burnt butter is a winner. Somehow, this dish kills the magic. The mushrooms were wet and bland, not buttery and tasty. The bacon was wet and limp. The toasted multi-grain was dry and butter-less. And the sage was nowhere to be found.

But it's not all bad. If you go to Pearl and order the muesli, or one of the bacon, egg, lettuce and tomato panini, you will be very happy. The french toasted peach sandwhich with vanilla marscapone might also be good. And the venue is slick, if a little noisy, with cute touches like Japanese Geisha salt and pepper mills.

Just avoid the coddled eggs.

13/20 "stick to the muesli"

Auction Rooms, North Melbourne

Back in the good old days, bargain hunters went to auction rooms. Today, they go to eBay. Which leaves more room for people to open cafes, like Auction Rooms, 103-107 Errol Street, North Melbourne, Tel +61 3 9326 7749. In, you guessed it, some former auction rooms. Not only do they serve great coffee, they even roast their own beans.



They also serve interesting food, like hazelnut-crumbed lambs brains on saute bacon and spinach with sweet onion jam. Brains for breakfast. Not exactly my cup of tea. I prefer to avoid foods that give me mad cow disease and gout. But I'm sure some of you are far more daring than me. Knock yourselves out.