Petit Robert Bistro, Boston

It sounded intriguing. A scrambled quiche omelette. It wasn't. It was an omelette with random bits of quiche thrown in, served on a plate so hot I felt the need to request a pair of asbestos gloves. Not impressed with Petit Robert Bistro, 480 Columbus Avenue, Boston (South End) MA, Tel +1 (617) 867 0600.



This really was a sorry excuse for a breakfast. Shove the skanky leftovers of quiche into an overcooked omelette. Garnish with dried parsley sprinkles. Plate up two shriveled halves of potato. Scoop a fistful of limp carrot strips and green beans onto the plate. Et voila! Brunch.

Avoid this place like the plague.

9/20 "scrambled merde"

Don Vincenzo, Fitzroy

If someone wrote a scathing review of Artie Bucco's pasta at Nuovo Vesuvio, would Tony Soprano care? I'm hoping not. I'm also hoping that, despite the name, there are no mob ties to Don Vincenzo, 301 Brunswick Street, Fitzroy, Tel +61 3 9419 6204. Otherwise, what I'm about to say might have negative implications for my health and general well-being.



Expressed in simple terms, the Eggs Benedict at Don Vincenzo was crap. The menu said "soft poached eggs" but mine were rock hard. The menu said "shaved ham" but mine was thin-sliced and fried. The menu tempted me with a side of "sauteed spinach" but mine was pretty much raw with a light coating of warm oil. It was all presented in a flashy way, with a muffin-ham-muffin-ham-muffin-ham-egg stack, but that only made it difficult to eat. Not alot better than a Bacon & Egg McMuffin, really.

Other options include four types of omelette, "oven baked" pancakes and Chef's toasted muesli, plus all the usual toast, eggs and extras (including sauteed sweet corn and avocado).

Service was OK, and they were apologetic when I bitched about the crappy food. My compensation was a free coffee, which was funny, since the coffee was about the only thing worth paying for.

9/20 "go to Mario's next door"