Vic Harbour, Melbourne Docklands

One thing that always amazes me is poor service in a deserted venue. You'd think that quiet times would be an opportunity to impress what few customers you have with swift, attentive, one-on-one service. Not so at Vic Harbour Kitchen and Bar, 70 NewQuay Promenade, Docklands, Tel +61 3 9670 5550. The staff were friendly enough. But most of the time they were nowhere to be seen.



The mediocre service was all the more surprising in light of Docklands' growing reputation as a hot-bed for personal services. It's a mysterious phrase "personal services". Melbourne City Council's own figures suggest that it's the largest industry in Docklands, employing over 2,500 people. Assuming they're not all funeral directors, hair-dressers and dry-cleaners, that leaves you with brothel keepers, escort agents and prostitutes (plus a few other odd bods like astrologists, baby-sitters, tattooists and Turkish bath operators). Hmmm... looks like the oldest profession has taken to Docklands like ducks to water. Perhaps this explains why things are a bit slow around breakfast time?

It's not like the food is bad. I had a Traditional English with scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, mushrooms and tomato, all piled up on a base of toasted Turkish. The eggs were a bit skimpy, but the rest was very good, especially the sausage. They also do corn fritters with streaky bacon, toasted grain and nut cereal, French toast, pancakes, Benedict, Florentine, Mexican style scrambled eggs and more.

The views are nice, and at around $15-17 for some eggs and a coffee, it's much cheaper than a high-end hooker.

13/20 "nice view"