the breakfast blog

Power Breakfast trends in the USA

2011-05-24T23:47:00.001+10:00

They took out the bit where I said this is not actually a recession fad but a longer term trend... but you get to watch me shovel some eggs benny into my face...

http://www.thebostonchannel.com/video/28001977/detail.html

Break of Dawn, Orange County

2011-05-19T11:25:00.003+10:00

Fancy eggs in the most unlikely of places. In this case, a shopping strip in Orange County, playing host to a very impressive serve of designer eggs benedict. Nicely trimmed poached eggs, artsy swirls of pesto hollandaise, fat slabs of juicy ham, all carefully balanced on a couple of slices of toasted potato bread. They do breakfast in style at Break of Dawn, 24351 Avenida De La Carlota, Laguna Hills, California. And not a real housewife in sight.

Dutch Pancake Cafe, Stowe

2011-01-05T13:09:00.001+11:00

Apparently someone at the New York Times called it the world's most decadent breakfast. I can confirm that you will not leave the Dutch Pancake Cafe hungry. Indeed, if, like me, you order the monster pancake with shredded potato, onion and cheese, you may want to declare the rest of the day a no-ski zone. Either that, or run the risk of a serious ACL injury halfway down your first set of moguls. The human knee is only designed to carry so much weight.

Harvest, Cambridge

2010-09-19T13:37:00.002+10:00

You can have brunch a la carte but only in the (dingy) indoor bar area. You can sit in the nice outdoor patio but you need to order the prix fixe full brunch menu with more food than you really want to eat. No... wait... OK, you can sit in the patio and order only what you want. But first you'll have to explain it a second time to the next snooty waitress who will tell you, once again, that you can't, etc, etc, until eventually you wear them down. Welcome to Sunday brunch at Harvest.

The food is pretty good. The service needs work.

Snooze, Denver

2010-08-05T09:16:00.002+10:00

Most people rave about the pancakes. But who wants pancakes when there's a signature house-made English muffin to be had? A rare treat and one that didn't disappoint. I am now thinking of every reason I can to spend more time in Denver. Because more time in Denver means more visits to Snooze, an "eatery" singularly devoted to breakfast...

Lucile's, Denver

2010-08-04T08:33:00.004+10:00

Being surrounded by mountains it seemed like a good idea to order pan fried mountain trout. I was in Denver, after all. Lucile's came well recommended. And the Eggs Pontchartrain sounded good: trout, topped with poached eggs, smothered in bernaise and served with grits, biscuit and home fries. Indeed it was good. But only good. Not great...

Stephi's on Tremont, Boston

2010-08-01T12:32:00.001+10:00

It was something of a hash frenzy, my Boston Summer breakfast spree. Duck hash at Mistral. Potato hash at Henrietta's. And last but not least, meatloaf hash at Stephi's on Tremont. I am, as you may have guessed, a sucker for anything hashed and brown. Especially when the brown component happens to be meatloaf, one of America's great contributions to world cuisine. The verdict? Stephi gives good hash...

Which is not surprising, when you consider that the "Queen of Patio Dining" just happens to be married to the "King of Ambulance Chasing", James Sokolove. With Jim making a motza from slip-and-trip lawsuits, Stephi clearly doesn't need the money. So the restaurant must just be for fun. A community service. Because Massachusetts deserves good meatloaf.

Henrietta's Table, Cambridge

2010-06-26T11:32:00.001+10:00

I wonder if the Winklevi ever did brunch at Henrietta's Table? Nice and close to Harvard. World class hash browns. What better place to load up on carbs before a big boat race? Or a big law suit for that matter...

Mistral, Boston

2010-06-06T11:52:00.001+10:00

Talk about slack. So many months, so little blogging. And so many breakfasts to catch up on. So here goes nothing. A highlight to kick things off, courtesy of Mistral. A rather fancy place in Boston's South End, serving a rather delicious confit duck and root vegetable hash topped with fried egg...

The Ritz-Carlton, Grand Cayman

2010-03-07T23:19:00.004+11:00

You know I have a very bad reputation - Avery Tolar

The Cayman Islands can thank John Grisham for their bad reputation. Based on the adventures of Avery, Mitch and Abby, you'd be forgiven for thinking the Caymans is the go-to place for money laundering, over-billing and extra-marital hanky panky. But it's also quite the beach resort. And for breakfast by the beach, it doesn't get much better than the buffet at the Ritz, Seven Mile Beach, Grand Cayman, Tel +1 (345) 943-9000.

As a general rule, hotel breakfast buffets are things best avoided. Like stingrays. But every rule has exceptions. And the Ritz buffet is one of them. Everything was good. Perky eggs benny. Spicy jerk potatoes. Thick and spongy slabs of french toast. Juicy caramelized banana. Fresh waffles. Custom-built omelettes. Fresh fruit. Local specialties like fish escoveitch. And a very delicious mushroom quiche.

Toro, Boston

2010-02-28T11:40:00.001+11:00

There are places in Boston that are popular for reasons I do not understand. And then there are places like Toro, 1704 Washington Street, Boston, MA, Tel +1 (617) 536-4300. Toro is popular because it is good. The food is good. The venue is good. The service is good. The coffee is not horrible. You can even get an Aperol Spritz.

Hampton Inn, Princeton

2010-02-19T08:44:00.000+11:00

For an illustration of the moral hazard of serving a free breakfast, look no further than the Hampton Inn, 4385 US Route 1 South, Princeton, New Jersey, Tel +1 (609) 951-0066. I don't know what scared me the most. Was it the yellow crumbles that may well have been powdered eggs? Or was it the collection of pale brown digits that looked like a crime scene from Law and Order: SVU? The hash browns also looked horrible. But at least I could tell they were hash browns.

Now, I'm not saying the eggs were powdered. Nor am I saying any sex crimes were committed during the preparation of the breakfast buffet. And I'm not even saying the food tasted bad. I didn't eat it. I'm just saying it looked a little scary to me. That's all. It may well have been delicious.

Post 390, Boston

2010-01-17T11:26:00.000+11:00

You'd be surprised how difficult it is to get baked beans for breakfast in Boston. Baked beans are like Massachusetts Republicans. They exist, but they keep a very low profile. So don't be fooled by the brunch menu at Post 390, 406 Stuart Street, Boston, MA, Tel +1 (617) 399-0015. No beans there. But ask your waiter, and tell them how much you were looking forward to sampling their magnificant house-baked beans, and you never know your luck.

Union Bar and Grill, Boston

2010-01-16T10:56:00.000+11:00

Cod cakes. Eggs Benny New England style.

Grigons & Orr, North Melbourne

2010-01-06T12:12:00.008+11:00

Well, there's egg and bacon; egg, sausage, and bacon; egg and spam; egg, bacon, and spam; egg, bacon, sausage, and spam; spam, bacon, sausage, and spam; spam, egg, spam, spam, bacon, and spam; spam, sausage, spam, spam, bacon, spam, tomato, and spam; spam, spam, spam, egg, and spam; spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, and spam; or Lobster Thermidor aux crevettes with a mornay sauce garnished with truffle pate, brandy, and a fried egg on top, and spam - Monty Python breakfast menu

Unfortunately there was only one spam dish on the menu at Grigons & Orr, 445 Queensberry Street (corner of Chetwynd), North Melbourne, Tel +61 3 9663 5192. Because spam was the highlight of the pan fried spiced ham topped with scrambled egg and drizzled with truffle oil. And you know something's wrong when the highlight came straight from a tin.

The eggs were your average scrambled eggs. The toast was your average thin-sliced toast. And the truffle oil was so lightly drizzled as to escape detection by my amateur taste buds. This may have been the desired outcome of an ingenious plan to cast spam as the spicy star on a bland stage devoid of distracting flavours. Or it may have been a bad day in the kitchen. It was certainly a bad day for hash browns. Mine was extremely doughy and barely palatable.

Could this really be the same place that Preston, Valent and the copycats had raved about? Was it my fault for ordering spam spam spam and eggs, rather than apple fritters, cous cous porridge, or pancakes with Barbados cream? Maybe so (although others have slammed the pancakes).

It is a quaint little venue. They do sell mixed lollies (whoopee). The coffee is good. And the staff are friendly. But, in my biased opinion, if the eggs aren't up to snuff, who gives a crap about crocheted blankets?

13/20 "spam"

Mitte, North Fitzroy

2010-01-02T14:27:00.006+11:00

For Melbourne's best poached eggs, go to Mitte, 76 Michael Street, North Fitzroy, Tel +61 3 9077 7379. I'd like to say the world's best poached eggs, but there are two good reasons not to. First, I have not yet tasted every poached egg the world has to offer. And second, I try to avoid saying things that make me sound like a total pillock.

But trust me. These were some seriously good eggs. Nice shape. No puddles of poaching water. Deep, dark golden yolks, oozing to perfection. And a taste so good you'll want to eat these fellas nude. Just shove a bit of pure, unadulterated egg in your gob and enjoy. Or maybe smear it on some Dench toast. But don't dress it up in too many fancy flavours. Try to enjoy the simple pleasure of a fresh, free-range egg.

Which is not to say that Mitte doesn't also give good flavour. Having savoured some naked egg, you can move on to a very tasty chick pea bake, some goat's fetta, a leafy herb salad, half an avocado and a squeeze of lemon. All served up with a couple of slices of very fresh Dench sourdough toast. Ausgezeichnet.

The flavour continues with the Cheap-Eats-Award-Winning potato and chorizo omelette with Collingwood College kitchen garden tomato and fennel chutney, and a tomato, buffalo mozzarella and basil salad. Or for those who like to start their day with dessert, the "breakfast crumble" of cinnamon poached pears and apples topped with a crunchy-granola-ish toasted macadamia crust. Personally, a gut full of such sickly goo first thing in the morning would make me want to barf. But each to her own.

Less sickly, but still sweet, are the pikelets, which I can highly recommend with lemon curd, fresh lemon, brown sugar, maple syrup and marscapone. Really, really good. You can also have them with berries, or with the exotic-sounding middle eastern fruit compote (although this has been said to lack a little zing).

I am, quite frankly, amazed this place has not had the gushing, raving praise it deserves (only Cheap Eats has stuck its neck out with a gong). The food is great. The Atomica coffee is excellent. The venue is a cute little white box in a quaint little corner location. The staff are polite. About the only thing wrong with Mitte is that you have to wait a bit. But that's what happens at good places. If you want fast service, go somewhere bad, where there are no other patrons to get in the way.

19/20 "poached egg perfection"

The Overland, Adelaide to Melbourne

2009-12-28T10:24:00.001+11:00

Somehow I managed to enjoy my freshly-nuked bacon and cheese croissant, despite its limp, deflated appearance. I think it was because I was on a train, which is fun, rather than a plane, which is not. Maybe the simple fact of having a steady blood-flow through your legs makes things taste better?

Book Talk, Richmond

2009-12-20T11:41:00.000+11:00

Part book store, part cafe, an abundance of fried meat...

Demitri's Feast, Richmond

2009-12-19T09:48:00.008+11:00

Growing up in 70s Melbourne, my sponge-like mind was drenched in a singular image of Greek food: the souvlaki. So it was quite a shock to my culinary foundations to be sitting down for a Greek-inspired breakfast at Demitri's Feast, 141 Swan Street, Richmond, Tel +61 3 9428 8659. Can you eat souvlaki for breakfast? If Mark Philippousis went on MasterChef and cooked Cougar-glazed French toast with ouzo foam, would George Calombaris call it Greek toast? Is Nana Mouskouri the original cougar?

You can make up your own mind about Nana. And we can all hope that the Scud stays out of the kitchen. Because when it comes to Greek toast, it's hard to imagine anything better than the Baclava French Toast at Demitri's Feast. Take a big fat slice of fresh Tsoureki. Dip in egg and fry till golden brown. Drizzle with yoghurt and orange-honey syrup. Sprinkle with blitzed walnuts and serve. Delicious.

The rest of the menu is similarly sprinkled with Greek twists. Like ouzo-and-dill-cured salmon served with poached eggs and spinach; omeletta with lokaniko sausage, potatoes and kefalograviera cheese; and semolina pancakes with thick Greek yoghurt, rose jam, pistachios and more of the aforementioned orange-honey syrup. In some cases, there may be just a hint of Greece, in the form of goat's feta added to creamy scrambled eggs, or manouri cheese added to sage mushrooms.

The only thing missing was a breakfast souvlaki. For that, apparently, you need to go Hellenic Republic. Tell them a food blogger sent you. George hates food bloggers.

17/20 "tsoureki is the new brioche"

Friendly Toast, Cambridge

2009-08-15T17:31:00.000+10:00

Finally, a diner to die for...

Le Petit Dejeuner, Toronto

2009-08-11T08:45:00.000+10:00

When in Canada, be sure to try some peameal bacon, ideally with poached eggs and hollandaise on top...

BOS, Des Moines, IA

2009-07-20T08:25:00.000+10:00

It's pretty hard to resist a signature dish, even if it does look like someone just threw up on your eggs...

Great American Bagel, Chicago O'Hare

2009-07-19T11:02:00.001+10:00

If I change my first name from "Jamie" to "Professor" it doesn't really make me a professor. And calling a bagel joint The Great American Bagel doesn't mean the bagels are great. They are fine. But they are not great.

Trident Booksellers and Cafe, Boston

2009-07-11T10:18:00.000+10:00

Despite its name, the potato chuckwagon is very good...

Shapleigh Corner Store, Maine

2009-07-05T10:48:00.001+10:00

Aaah Maine. Chilly in Winter. Vacationland in Summer. A place to enjoy life's simple pleasures, like lakes, lobster and lazy breakfasts. And if you happen to make camp anywhere near Mousam Lake, I recommend a trip to the Shapleigh Corner Store for plate of strawberry pancakes.

Golder Pear Cafe, Southampton

2009-06-29T11:23:00.000+10:00

Nothing says you are home in the Hamptons more than standing in line at the Golden Pear

Alec Baldwin, F.A.G., budding politician, parenting role model

Hampton Coffee Co, The Hamptons

2009-06-28T12:11:00.003+10:00

You wear clothes, so it's not breakfast. And you're not that hungry yet, so it's not lunch. It's the meal that won't commit.

Mystery Hamptons golfer comments on brunch

So, you're on your way to Shinnecock Hills, it's not quite lunch time, but you need a few extra carbs to power through 18 holes. Brunch is for pussies. What do you do? Easy. Grab yourself an egg and bacon sandwich at the Hampton Coffee Company, 869 Montauk Highway, Water Mill, New York, Tel +1 (631) 726-2633. Crispy bacon. Just the right amount of ooze from the egg. And a brioche bun as soft and fat as your worst bunker shot. Washed down with a freshly roasted house brew, it's the perfect pre-game pick-me-up.

Unfortunately I was on my way home from Poxabogue, rather than on my way to Shinnecock Hills, but the same principles apply. Sort of.

A Butler's Manor, Southampton

2009-06-27T23:34:00.000+10:00

Greenwich, CT, may be the hedge fund capital of the world. But a short ferry-ride, and a quick spin in the Ferrari, and you're in the hedge capital of the world, otherwise known as Southampton. Great, long, neatly trimmed hedges, as far as the eye can see. Like a big green blanket, keeping your 11 room beach shack protected from prying eyes. But what about the rest us? Whither the Jitney class? Those forced to scrape out an existence on the wrong side of the hedge. Is a Hamptons holiday out of reach? Is there a life for us South of Route 27? Well yes, as it turns out. A very pleasant life at A Butler's Manor, 244 North Main Street, Southampton, NY, Tel +1 (631) 283-8550. And a very good breakfast, too.

It's a B+B, of course, so if you want the breakfast you need to buy a bed. But you won't be disappointed. Over three mornings, my favorite was an egg strata, which is an egg pie concoction, blending cubes of sourdough, chunks of ham, cheese, eggs, some veggies and a crusty cornflake topping. Baked to perfection by Kim and served with the touch of a seasoned butler by Chris. Very civilized.

This was the first time I'd had egg strata, and it was a welcome discovery. Who knew you could successfully combine eggs and cornflakes in one dish? And just when I thought I'd heard it all, another breakfast discovery lands in my lap. That same day, while chit-chatting over post-wedding drinks and nibbles (including mini-croque monsieurs, to my great delight), I'm asked if I've ever had scrapple. Scrapple? Never heard of it. Until now. But I'm already planning a trip to Pennsylvania to rectify this oversight. How can I resist the lure of a fried slice of pork mush topped with a couple of eggs? Let no part of the pig go to waste.

The only twist with breakfast at Butler's is that everyone dines together and everyone eats the dish du jour. This can be a good thing, since it eliminates the stress of choosing, and you can meet and talk to strangers whether they like it or not. But don't worry. Those with special food or social needs can always request special treatment. The hosts are very accomodating.

Clio, Boston

2009-05-11T09:19:00.002+10:00

I was half expecting hollandaise foam when I sat down for breakfast at Clio, 370 Commonwealth Avenue, Boston, MA, Tel +1 (617) 536-7200. A quick flick through the Clio photo gallery reveals that Ken Oringer is quite the foam fan-boy. A trick he picked up from the godfather of foam, Ferran Adria, no doubt. But my farm eggs were foam-free, and smothered instead with a generous amount of Piment d’Espelette hollandaise. Spicy.

As innovations go, it worked quite well. A little touch of the Basque Country and a little extra kick. All perched on a bed of ham and sweet potato hash. Very nice. And at $17, so it should be.

More frugal options include old fashioned Irish oatmeal with "red & gold" raisins and brown sugar (a mere $8), or French toast with berry compote ($11). They also serve waffles, a couple of omelettes, and fancy-sounding crispy galettes of organic grains and banana with French salted butter and Vermont maple syrup. French salted butter? I thought the French preferred their butter sans salt?

For a power-breakfast venue, service was a little slow and clueless. But at least they won't be in your face while you discuss the finer points of the deal.

Qantas Flight QF 93, Trans-Pacific

2009-04-03T10:41:00.001+11:00

Mmmmm... airplane food. After a dozen hours crammed in like a sardine, I was looking forward to any breakfast. Even this. And despite looking rather sad, it was quite edible, if a little difficult to eat. You just need to take turns using your elbows. And carefully time each forkful of scrambled egg so that it makes the journey to your mouth without incident. Turbulence is a bitch.

Porgie + Mr Jones, Hawthorn

2009-04-02T10:34:00.007+11:00

Melbourne's best scrambled eggs? Mr Jones' scrambles with Holy Goat cheese is certainly a contender, with soft, light folds of "happy" free range eggs dotted with silky chunks of goat's curd. The scrambling technique is so light touch that this dish pushes the boundary between scrambles and omelette. Maybe they should call it a scromelette? Maybe not. Either way, it's a must-try breakfast when you visit Porgie + Mr Jones, 291 Auburn Road, Hawthorn, Tel +61 3 9882 2966.

There has already been much raving about P+MJ (as they like to call themselves), with kate and zoe even proclaiming the place Melbourne's best cafe. I don't know if I'd go that far, but it certainly deserves A-list status. The only weak links I can think of are service and coffee, which are merely good, not great.

Food-wise, they didn't put a foot wrong. The poached eggs were excellent. Ditto the thyme-buttered mushies and smashed avocado. There were loud squeals of protest when I tried to steal a taste of the ham, cheese and tomato croissant off the plate of a 2-year-old. And at $4.90, I very nearly ordered a McPorgie chaser: a toasted english muffin stuffed with gypsy ham and "creamy dreamy" scrambles.

Sweet tooths are also well-served: toasted banana bread with maple syrup marscapone, fresh banana, berry compote and crushed pistachios ($12.90); Carmen's bircher muesli with cinnamon poached pear and honeyed yoghurt ($9.90); toasted Noisette fruit bread ($6); and croissants with Bonne Maman jam ($5.50).

And all served in the buzzy surrounds of a designer, recycled, pseudo-industrial fitout. Like a tiny oasis of Fitzroy in the suburbs.

18/20 "silky scrambles"

Blond Coffee, Angaston

2009-03-28T15:03:00.006+11:00

After three hours of wine tasting, some excellent St Hallett shiraz, quite a few nips of port, not much spitting and too much swallowing, I could feel the dreaded day-drinker's hangover creeping up on me. I had to take defensive measures. I needed to pull out the big guns. I needed eggs benedict. But it was 2:30pm in the Barossa Valley. And all-day breakfast is a big city thing. Or so I thought. Until we stumbled upon Blond Coffee, 60 Murray Street, Angaston, South Australia, Tel +61 8 8564 3444. They served eggs benny till 3 pm. I was saved.

And a very respectable eggs benny it was, too. The free-range eggs had a great deep yellow colour and were poached to perfection. The ham was tasty. The hollandaise was good (but needed more zing). And there was a nice little splodge of sauteed spinach on the side.

The eggs and bacon sandwich was, according to Ron, equally impressive (and I know better than to argue with the in-laws). Two super-thick slabs of white bread, stuffed with scrambled egg, bacon (from local Barossa butcher Schultz's), cheese and tomato, all squished down in a sandwich press and toasted golden brown.

Despite the name, the staff at Blond are not all blondes, although there was a very high concentration of attractive young women. And friendly young women, too. When I asked for a sample of the bircher muesli, they even when to the trouble of garnishing it with a touch of yoghurt and a drizzle of honey.

16/20 "barossa benedict"

Cafe Juves, Bundoora

2009-03-26T11:38:00.000+11:00

For a bargain breakfast, go to Bundoora...

Two Fingers, Melbourne

2009-03-25T11:57:00.000+11:00

Almost French, Richmond

2009-03-24T09:10:00.002+11:00

A baguette is very French. A scrambled egg and bacon roll is not very French. So I guess it makes sense to describe a scrambled egg and bacon baguette as almost French. And it was an obvious choice for breakfast at Almost French, 138 Swan Street, Richmond, Tel +61 3 9429 2080. Très très yummy.

The quality of the baguette made all the difference to this take-away breakfast. Light and crispy on the outside. Soft, fresh and ever so slightly chewy on the inside. And stuffed with scrambled eggs and a generous amount of crispy bacon through a slit along the spine. I was a little concerned that their re-heating technique might ruin everything (part microwave, part toaster-oven), but it worked just fine.

More bakery than cafe, there are, nonetheless, a handful of small cafe tables for dining in, from which you can admire the handiwork of local celebrity Mirka Mora. You might even get a chance to admire Mirka herself. She popped in for some bread while I was there.

Pearl Cafe, Richmond

2009-03-21T12:34:00.005+11:00

Make no mistake. I am a greedy pig. So things are pretty bad when I put the fork down half-way through my eggs. But that's exactly what happened this morning at Pearl Cafe, 599 Church Street, Richmond, Tel +61 3 9427 1307. What a train wreck.

The original Pearl turned coddled eggs into an art form. Pearl Cafe turned out coddled eggs that made my stomach churn. First, they wheel out a dish that it absolutely swimming in raw egg white. Not coddled. Not lightly cooked. Raw. After a short discussion with my waiter we agree that coddled eggs are not supposed to be raw, so they are sent back for a bit more coddling, or so I think. A while later I am presented with a plate of hard, rubbery eggs, the remnants of which are pictured above. Let's not molly-coddle these people. It was disgusting.

Normally, the combination of mushrooms, double-smoked bacon, sage and burnt butter is a winner. Somehow, this dish kills the magic. The mushrooms were wet and bland, not buttery and tasty. The bacon was wet and limp. The toasted multi-grain was dry and butter-less. And the sage was nowhere to be found.

But it's not all bad. If you go to Pearl and order the muesli, or one of the bacon, egg, lettuce and tomato panini, you will be very happy. The french toasted peach sandwhich with vanilla marscapone might also be good. And the venue is slick, if a little noisy, with cute touches like Japanese Geisha salt and pepper mills.

Just avoid the coddled eggs.

13/20 "stick to the muesli"

Cheeky Monkey, Richmond

2009-03-20T10:46:00.008+11:00

When you tear a hamstring, does eating bacon speed your recovery? If so, maybe Ben Cousins should start each day with a big serve of bacon and eggs at Cheeky Monkey, 89a Swan Street, Richmond, Tel +61 3 9428 8833. It's not the best breakfast in Tigerland, but they do give you plenty of bacon.

Then again, maybe Swan Street isn't the best place for a recovering drug addict to be starting each day. There were junkies lying in the streets when I was there. OK, there was one junkie. But he was lying in the street. And "Cousins hangs with Junkies" is not the kind of headline Ben needs right now. Not with "good friends" like Fat Ange Venditti fuelling the media flames.

Despite being a cool-looking venue, with a graffiti-style stencil mural of monkeys all over the exterior walls, Cheeky Monkey was a bit of a disappointment. My scrambled eggs, bacon and mushrooms were OK, but why are they using boring white toast when Almost French is baking excellent sourdough right across the road? And cheddar-toasted muffins with eggs, bacon and hollandaise ($14.90) might have been a winner, but for the addition of crispy onion rings and a drizzle of BBQ sauce over the hollandaise. Weird. Even the chive crepes topped with poached egg, smoked salmon, sliced avocado and dill hollandaise ($15.90) sounded better than it looked.

Maybe they do a better job with the jumbo corn fritters, the hotcake stack, or the coconut and banana bread?

The coffee, at least, was good.

15/20 "bacon"

Auction Rooms, North Melbourne

2009-03-19T11:26:00.002+11:00

Back in the good old days, bargain hunters went to auction rooms. Today, they go to eBay. Which leaves more room for people to open cafes, like Auction Rooms, 103-107 Errol Street, North Melbourne, Tel +61 3 9326 7749. In, you guessed it, some former auction rooms. Not only do they serve great coffee, they even roast their own beans.

They also serve interesting food, like hazelnut-crumbed lambs brains on saute bacon and spinach with sweet onion jam. Brains for breakfast. Not exactly my cup of tea. I prefer to avoid foods that give me mad cow disease and gout. But I'm sure some of you are far more daring than me. Knock yourselves out.

Cumulus Inc, Melbourne

2009-03-17T09:28:00.007+11:00

I have spoken before about grand master Andrew McConnell's special culinary powers. The legend continues at Cumulus, Inc., 45 Flinders Lane, Melbourne, Tel +61 3 9650 1445. He calls the place an eating house where breakfast is done simply. But since when do "eating houses" dabble in molecular gastronomy? Breakfast done simply my arse.

Not that I'm complaining. He can tinker around with the slow poaching machine and other scientific experiments as long as he likes. The failures can go in the bin. And the winners can go on the menu. Like the 65/65 egg. Slow "poached" in its shell at 65 degrees for 65 minutes, this is one perfect eggy-wegg. Just soft and slightly oozy all the way through. Genius.

If he keeps coming up with dishes like this, McConnell may soon be challenging Wylie Dufresne for the "Egg Man" title. In fact, now that I think of it, they share an eerie resemblance, especially in the haircut department. Not that I'm accusing Andrew of ripping off Wylie's look.

The 65/65 egg is served, sans shell, on a slice of crunchy sourdough toast, surrounded by smoked salmon, sprinkled with a few shreds of sorrel and dill, and topped with miniature apple soldiers about the size of matchsticks ($17). I contemplated dunking my apple soldiers in the egg yolk, but that would have looked a bit stupid, so I just shovelled bits onto my egg and toast.

If you're hungry, a better option may be the Full English ($18), which includes toast, farmhouse slab bacon, fried eggs, blood sausage, and smoked tomato. I am a big fan of the smoked vegetable, by the way, and the Tom Cooper smoked tomato they serve at Cumulus is no exception. Which reminds me, if you ever make it to wd~50 in New York, you should not miss Wylie Dufresne's smoked mashed potato (served with cod). It rocks. But I digress... For something a bit healthier, try the Bircher muesli with grated granny smiths and almonds ($10).

Coffee, service and venue are all excellent. But I have absolutely no idea why they named the place after a cloud.

20/20 "smokin"

Glory Days Diner, Greenwich

2009-02-07T14:00:00.002+11:00

Fancy some Smucker's breakfast syrup with your French toast? Welcome to Glory Days Diner, 69 E Putnam Avenue, Greenwich, CT, Tel +1 (203) 661-9067. None of that fancy maple syrup here. Just corn syrup mixed with high fructose corn syrup and miscellaneous other chemicals.

Personally, I prefer at least a hint of maple in my syrup, but I made do with the fake stuff. The challah French toast needed it... 'twas a bit dry. As were the scrambled eggs. But the sausages were OK. And the Nova Benedict wasn't too bad.

All in all, just another diner, doing basic diner fare. Ho hum.

11/20 "not so glorious"

Stardust Diner, New York

2009-02-05T12:54:00.001+11:00

Where do budding broadway stars work in between gigs? They wait tables at Ellen's Stardust Diner, 1650 Broadway, Corner of 51st, New York, NY, Tel +1 (212) 956 5151. Which should be fair warning to anyone in search of an above-average breakfast.

My cheese and spinach omelette was fine. But let's not mince words. It was average. Just an omelette, served with some french fries and toast. Nothing to get excited about. Nothing to complain about.

If peace and quiet you crave, however, you will have much to complain about. There is much singing, you see. One by one, the waiters and waitresses take the mike and belt out their favorite hits. Kind of like eating breakfast on the set of American Idol. I just wish Simon Cowell was there to break things up a bit.

Actually, the singing is much better than Idol. What this place really needs is a good dose of Gordon Ramsay. You call that $#it a f#c%ing omelette?

11/20 "breakfast idol"

Jamieson Grille, Alexandria

2009-01-27T11:09:00.002+11:00

"Death ray my ass" said the patent attorney leaning in from the window "It hardly even slows them down"

It might not be such a good idea to book a window seat at the Jamieson Grille, Westin Alexandria, 400 Courthouse Square, Alexandria, VA, Tel +1 (703) 253-8640. It's right near the USPTO and crawling with patent attorneys. Scary.

Being quite the daredevil, I plonked myself down at a window table and ordered the "poached organic egg salmon benedict" with wilted spinach, English muffin, and "olive oil citrus hollandaise". And that's what I got. One egg. One muffin. Note the careful use of the singular for both "egg" and "muffin". It's a lawyer-proof menu. You want two eggs? Order two serves.

What would be funny would be to re-write the menu in patent-speak: at least one meal of salmon benedict including at least one egg served together with at least one muffin and at least one portion of salmon accompanied by hollandaise sauce wherein said at least one egg is poached, said at least one muffin is English, said at least one portion of salmon is smoked and said hollandaise includes olive oil and at least one form of citrus extract. And let's not forget the dependent claim: the aforementioned salmon benedict, served with at least one leaf of spinach wherein said at least one leaf of spinach is wilted.

I won't attempt this for the whole menu. Instead, I will share some brief highlights. Like blueberry orange granola flapjacks with citrus berry salad, warm maple syrup and whipped butter. Or baked organic egg and chicken apple sausage with spinach and artisan marscapone. Or steel cut oat brulee with honey glazed green apples, bananas and toasted pecans. They called them "steal cut" but that must be a typo. I'm sure the Westin would never serve stolen oats.

The Jamieson is a very swish venue, with good service and reasonable prices if you don't mind half portions. Except for the Starbucks coffee, which, at $4.50, is daylight robbery.

16/20 "nice egg"

Highland Kitchen, Somerville

2009-01-25T14:13:00.005+11:00

Readers of The Tipping Point will recall the claim that a small bunch of super-influencial East-Village hipster-trendoids started wearing Hush Puppies and, hey presto, they were tranformed into must-wear footwear for the masses. Which begs the question: if the cool kids start eating hush puppies for breakfast, will they trigger the breakfast food fad of 2009? To find out, I urge all foodie fashionistas to get on down to Highland Kitchen, 150 Highland Avenue, Somerville, MA, Tel +1 (617) 625-1131, and order a side of deep-fried pups.

Not everyone agrees with Malcolm Gladwell mind you. Duncan Watts reckons the super-influencer theory is toast, and that mere mortals are just as likely to trigger a fashion epidemic. What matters is whether the world is ready for deep fried corn bread. If the food is right, any idiot could trigger an outbreak. Even me.

So, all you need to decide is what to have with your hush puppies. I couldn't resist the chicken liver omelette. Tasty chicken livers, fried up with chunks of bacon and smothered in real cheddar cheese (not the plastic American cheese you find in diners, etc). A bit too rich and heavy, but very enjoyable nonetheless.

Other options include: smoked trout and bacon hash, or smoked pork hash, each served with 2 fried eggs and collard greens; shrimp and grits with smoked bacon, mushrooms and collard greens; buttermilk pancakes; organic granola; Iggy's plain or chocolate croissants; and, of course, biscuits with sausage gravy.

Most breakfasts are under $10, the coffee and services is good, and the venue has a warm buzz.

15/20 "chicken liver omelette"

Columbus Cafe and Bar, Boston

2009-01-18T14:55:00.004+11:00

Maybe they do a great brunch at Columbus Cafe and Bar, 535 Columbus Avenue, Boston (South End), Tel +1 (617) 247-9001. And maybe Joaquin Pheonix will make a great rapper. Or maybe not. At the end of the day, these are matters of opinion.

If you believe the opinions on Yelp, this place deserves 4 out of 5 stars and is good for brunch. One Yelper even rates the Maine Eggs Benedict her favorite brunch dish ever. As Flavor Fav would say, don't believe the hype. This just proves that too much opinion can be just as bad as too little. Because there is no way I would rate the eggs benny as anything other than a bare pass. The poached eggs were good, and the crab cakes weren't bad, but it was all downhill from there. The hollandaise was like cold whipped butter, completely devoid of tang. The muffins were absolutely rock hard and stale. The home fries were too greasy. And I really don't see the point of the cold slide of tomato.

I have no doubt that loyal locals will be spitting out their Vermont Scrambles or choking on their chorizo as they read this. So let me just say that I get that it's cozy, I liked the coffee, and the staff seemed very nice. My gripe is the food. Like Joaquin's rapping, it needs much work. In my humble opinion, of course.

13/20 "over hyped"

The Spotted Pig, New York

2008-12-13T12:35:00.001+11:00

I was going to say that I had three faggots down in the West Village late one night, until it occurred to me that some people might get the wrong idea. It's true. I did have three faggots. Three of the juiciest, tastiest faggots you could wish for. And I picked them up at The Spotted Pig, 314 W. 11th Street, corner of Greenwich St, New York, NY, Tel +1 212 620 0393.

These were, of course, faggots of porcine persuasion. Deliciously soft and fleshy parcels of pork cheek, pork liver and farro (an ancient and seemingly trendy grain), wrapped in belly fat and cooked in bacon juice. Sprinkled on top were crunchy, crackly slivers of pigs ear. It was Brokeback Mountain meets Reservoir Dogs on a plate, served with a side of brussels sprouts. Magnificent.

Now, some of you picky, anal types may be tut-tutting about now, wondering how I can call this a breakfast review. Leaving aside the fact that faggots are sausages and sausages are legitimate breakfast food, I started this meal with a small plate of eggs. Two halves of deviled eggs, actually. So this was a meal of sausages and eggs. The perfect late night breakfast. All washed down with a pint of Old Speckled Hen.

Le Pain Quotidien, New York

2008-12-13T10:41:00.000+11:00

Sometimes I like to keep it simple...

Petit Robert Bistro, Boston

2008-12-07T16:36:00.001+11:00

It sounded intriguing. A scrambled quiche omelette. It wasn't. It was an omelette with random bits of quiche thrown in, served on a plate so hot I felt the need to request a pair of asbestos gloves. Not impressed with Petit Robert Bistro, 480 Columbus Avenue, Boston (South End) MA, Tel +1 (617) 867 0600.

This really was a sorry excuse for a breakfast. Shove the skanky leftovers of quiche into an overcooked omelette. Garnish with dried parsley sprinkles. Plate up two shriveled halves of potato. Scoop a fistful of limp carrot strips and green beans onto the plate. Et voila! Brunch.

Avoid this place like the plague.

9/20 "scrambled merde"

75 Chestnut, Beacon Hill

2008-11-30T12:25:00.000+11:00

The tourists go for a drink at Cheers on Beacon Street. The locals walk an extra 2 blocks across the flat of the hill, to 75 Chestnut Street, Beacon Hill, for a meal at the mysteriously named 75 Chestnut. It's a great spot for dinner. So-so for brunch.

Dottie's True Blue Cafe, San Francisco

2008-11-05T10:11:00.007+11:00

Next time you're in downtown San Francisco, and the smug levels are safe, get yourself to Dottie's True Blue Cafe, 522 Jones Street, Tel +1 (415) 885-2767. Don't be put off by the line running out the door and down the hill. Breakfast at Dottie's is awesome.

I'm not sure how much the specials menu changes each day, but on my visit (the day after election day) it was dripping with options, and my mouth was dripping with drool. Pumpkin chocolate chip French toast with toasted pecans and pure maple syrup ($10.95). Smoked salmon, caper, tomato, scallion and cream cheese scramble with house-baked toast and potatoes ($12.95). Pulled pork, roasted sweet onion and jack cheese scramble with flour tortillas and potatoes ($10.95). And Prius drivers, who like the smell of their own emissions, will find it hard to resist a serve of black bean cakes and eggs ($8.50). That'll keep you fueled up for a whole day of sulfur-sniffing self-satisfaction.

My smoked whiskey-fennel sausage and mushroom scramble was magnificent. The service was great, with frequent top-ups of decent coffee. And from my bar-side perch I had a bird's eye view of the kitchen action. This was indeed a day of hope.

19/20 "scrambelicious"

Sears Fine Food, San Francisco

2008-11-04T10:15:00.004+11:00

I am always suspicious of "world famous" venues I've never heard of. But I decided to throw caution to the wind and sample the world famous Swedish pancakes at Sears Fine Food, 439 Powell St (between Post and Sutter), San Francisco, CA, Tel +1 (415) 986-1160.

Rather than 18 straight silver dollar cakes, I went with 9 little pancakes, corned beef hash, poached eggs and hash browns. The eggs came in their own dish with a puddle of water, and were so runny that they disappeared into the beef hash as soon as I started to slice 'em up. The beef hash was good, and the fat wedge of hash brown potatoes was even better. Soft in the middle. Crisp and golden on the outside. As for the pancakes, they were fine. I wouldn't call them world famous. But I wouldn't complain about them either.

13/20 "babycakes"

Brookline Lunch, Cambridge

2008-10-26T15:03:00.001+11:00

It wasn't in Brookline and it wasn't lunch, but I still managed to enjoy myself at Brookline Lunch, 9 Brookline St, Cambridge, MA, Tel +1 (617) 354-2983. Because they serve a very respectable breakfast, and it's cheap. Sorry... not cheap... inexpensive... affordable. Cheap sounds so... cheap.

I had an omelette with fat chunks of ham, sliced mushroom, cheese and a tasty side of home fries with a bit of veg mixed in. The trouble and strife had the eggs benny and was full of praise. And Mr Smith had an excellent egg and bacon muffin with cheese and crispy bacon. Happy campers all round.

Cafe Campagne, Seattle

2008-10-19T15:47:00.002+11:00

You know very well that in '82 there was a drought in Bourgogne. The locals dubbed it the year of the raisin. And that wine wasn't sold by the case, only the bottle.

Niles Crane on the '82 Chambolle-Musigny

I wonder what the corkmaster would think of the oeufs en meurette at Cafe Campagne, 1600 Post Alley (corner of Pine Street), Seattle, WA, Tel +1 206 728 2233? Drizzled with a sticky, rich, red-wine-fois-gras sauce, it was certainly better than the "real thing" I tried in Cluny last year. Maybe they add a splash of '82 burgundy to give it that raisiny edge?

Maybe not. Whatever they do, it works. The eggs were a little under-poached, but otherwise this is a flawless dish. Thick, crunchy garlic-brioche-toast base (which they called a crouton). Two poached eggs. A sprinkling of onion, bacon and mushrooms. All smothered in the aforementioned sauce. A must-try dish if you're brunching in Seattle.

Other dishes are a little less exciting. The Omelette Choisy, for example, was a slightly overcooked herb-chevre omelette served with a chicken and pork sausage, a few chunks of potato and some dry baguette. Order that one and you'll probably need a Kir or two to wash it down. Or a Kir Royale. Or, if you're feeling innovative, a Kir du Soleil, with mandarine liqueur. Never heard of that one before.

If you're lucky, food and drinks will be served by a very spunky waitress, so make sure to order just one item at a time, to keep her coming back.

16/20 "oueffs en meurette"

Glo's, Seattle

2008-10-19T11:16:00.002+11:00

Slow food is all hip and trendy these days. Not at Glo's, 1621 E Olive Way, Seattle, WA, Tel +1 206 324 2577. It's just classic diner food that happens to come out slowly. Very slowly. So come early and be prepared to sit around and wait. Because breakfast at Glo's is worth the wait.

Despite being a humble diner, Glo's is most famous for eggs benedict, the show pony of the breakfast world. They serve five different breeds of benny: classic Canadian bacon; smoked salmon; Florentine (with spinach); Californian (with Avocado); and Blackstone (with strip bacon and sauteed spinach). Most importantly, the house made hollandaise is very good, and the hashbrowns are delicious: soft and crispy cakes of shredded spud. Yum.

Cafe Beaubourg, Paris

2008-10-04T12:52:00.002+10:00

I don't care if it was designed by a Pritzker laureate. Some cafes just scream 1980's. Like the Cafe Beaubourg, overlooking the Pompidou Centre in Paris, Tel +33 1 4887 6396. Grab some shoulder pads, pop on the Wayfarers, and slide that old Billy Ocean tape into your walkman. It's 1987 again and the markets are crashing...

Mokafe, Brussels

2008-10-02T10:26:00.001+10:00

The traveler's challenge is to find good, simple, local food without getting ripped off. Usually, you fail. Sometimes you get lucky. Like when I stumbled into Mokafe, Galerie du Roi 9, Bruxelles, Tel +32 2 511 78 70. The food was nothing to get excited about, but it was simple and good. And the place had great buzz.

I had breakfast here twice. First, I tried the croque monsieur, which was just a croque, with a bit of salad on the side. Second, I tried the omelette jambon et fromage, which was just an omelette, with a bit of salad on the side. Maybe I should have gone with the more traditional bread, croissants and assorted viennoiserie, which seemed a popular choice with the locals? But in the relaxed cocoon of Mokafe, I didn't really care.

Actually, the real discovery was Mokafe's rustic dinner fare, like stoemp saucisse. If you like English style bangers and mash, you will love stoemp saucisse. It's basically a creamy mash with some bonus veggies mixed through (spinach in this case), served with a big fat grilled sausage. I'm told you can also get bacon stoemp served with fried eggs, so I'm quite happy to claim it as breakfast food.

Hotel Montanus, Brugge

2008-09-28T14:32:00.001+10:00

Never has a hotel name had more potential for potty-mouth schoolboy jokes than the Hotel Montanus, Nieuwe Gentweg 78, Brugge, Belgium, Tel +32 50 33 11 76. But I am going to resist the temptation. Instead, I will talk only of the sweet buns, delicious chocolate spread, and other delights from the brunch buffet.

It was a bit of a lucky dip, the brunch buffet. The smiling yellow tub of Kwatta, for example, was a mystery to me until I peeled back the lid to discover gooey chocky spread inside. Little did I know that Kwatta apparently pioneered chocolate bars and spreads almost 100 years ago.

So, dip and spread some chocolate on your bun. Scoff it down. Switch to ham, eggs and cheese. Scoff it down. Back to Kwatta. Scoff. A bit more meat, cheese and bun. Scoff. Coffee. Slurp. More cheese and bun. You'll never get bored at the Belgian brunch buffet.

Restaurant t VOUTJE, Brugge

2008-09-26T12:31:00.002+10:00

I grew up in Dublin. I love Dublin. If I grew up on a farm, and was retarded, Bruges might impress me but I didn't, so it doesn't.

Ray, In Bruges

After downing several litres of Belgian beer the day before, I was very much in need of my recovery breakfast at 't VOUTJE, Elermarkt 17, Brugge, +32 50 34 50 40. And despite looking a bit like a fried frisbee, this was actually a very good omelette. Must have been the quality ham and cheese. Or the fact that it was fried in real butter. The side of fries went down well, too.

Bruges, in case you have not seen the movie, is either a fairytale medieval town (Harry's view) or a shithole (Ray's view). I am leaning towards Harry's view. It's got quaint old buildings, dinky canals, cobbled streets, and a bell tower with a full time bell ringer. Hard to find a prettier setting to kick back and enjoy a tasty ham and cheese omelette. Or maybe a croque? Or some boiled eggs, fresh bread and cold cuts?

Simpsons-in-the-Strand, London

2008-09-23T10:40:00.001+10:00

Credit is a system whereby a person who cannot pay gets another person who cannot pay to guarantee that he can pay.

Charles Dickens

I wonder if Dickens had good credit at his old haunt, Simpson's-in-the-Strand, 100 Strand, London, Tel +44 20 7836 9112? These days, at around 20-quid-a-head for breakfast, it's certainly the kind of place where you want someone else to pay. But for a great British experience, the Great British breakfast is worth the cash. Or credit. If you can still get it.

Bleeding Heart Tavern, London

2008-09-22T09:36:00.004+10:00

There's something a little creepy about eating black pudding in a place called Bleeding Heart Tavern, Bleeding Heart Yard (off Greville Street), London, Tel +44 20 7242 2056. Especially when you hear the urban legend of Lady Elizabeth Hatton being ripped limb from limb by her jilted Spanish lover, leaving her dismembered body in the yard, and her heart pumping blood across the cobblestones. But I was in the mood for a Full English, so there was no dodging the blood sausage.

A very fine Full English it was, too. Both fried and scrambled eggs were good (the latter soft and creamy). Tasty beans and tomatoes. A trio of meats (black pud, suffolk bacon and a fat snag). And a few fresh slices of builder's crack toast.

Curiously, this fine English fry up was produced by a bunch of French people, who now run the tavern. Which means you can also get house-baked croissants, if you prefer less blood and meat with your breakfast. Coffee was OK, but tea always seems a safer bet in London.

Brasserie James, Clapham South

2008-09-21T03:19:00.002+10:00

A global financial meltdown is probably not the ideal timing to be opening a mediocre restaurant in London. Which is bad news for Brasserie James, 47 Balham Hill, Clapham South, London, Tel +44 20 8772 0057. Because we are in the middle of a global financial meltdown and, based on their brunch performance, Brasserie James is mediocre.

The croque was average, at best. I like a nice thick croque. This one was model-thin. The eggs benedict was average. I like soft poached eggs. These were so hard we sent them back.

wd~50, New York

2008-09-08T00:45:00.003+10:00

Eggs Benedict is genius. It’s eggs covered in eggs. I mean, come on, that person should be the president.

Wylie Dufresne

If you prefer art over porn, then get yourself to wd~50, 50 Clinton Street, New York, Tel +1 212 477 2900. Because art is the best way to describe Wylie Dufresne's eggs benedict. Not so much an object of lust, as something to stare at, contemplate and admire.

So how do you turn eggs benedict into a work of art? You season and slow poach the yolks in a cyclindrical sleeve to create a column of fudgy egg. You spear that with a wafer of crispy bacon. Then you seal a cube of hollandaise inside a crust of muffin crumbs and deep fry till golden brown. Easy.

Just don't expect deep satisfaction. This is Picaso, not porno, and in two mouthfuls it's gone.

Deluxe Town Diner, Watertown

2008-07-28T11:03:00.009+10:00

I'm just gonna eat my waffle right now - Barack Obama

Clearly the waffles at the Gilder Diner in Scranton, PA, are no match for the Deluxe Sour Cream Flapjacks at the Deluxe Town Diner, 627 Mount Auburn St, Watertown, MA, Tel +1 (617) 926-8400. Because there is no way you would leave a plate of the aforementioned Flapjacks half eaten. Like little fluffy clouds they are. Until you smother them in Vermont's finest, that is.

And get this. Apparently the sweet potato pancakes are even better. That's according to one of the locals who saw me taking pictures and decided to share a few tips.

As with most of my diner experiences thus far, the scrambled eggs were a bit dry and the homefries unremarkable (I think they had chicken seasoning on them). But the sourdough toast was very good, the sausage patty was tasty, and the flapjacks were awesome. So... if Barack ever comes here and orders the Colossal Hungry Person's Breakfast, I recommend eating all of the flapjacks and leaving half the homefries and eggs.

Actually, I recommend ordering a full stack of pancakes or waffles and eating the lot. The only dilemma will be deciding between sour cream buttermilk flapjacks, jo'nny cakes, potato pancakes, sweet potato pancakes, blue corn pancakes, or buckwheat ployes. You'll also need to decide between pecans, blueberries, bananas and dried cranberries. Or bacon. Mmmm... bacon.

And one more thing... they serve real tea in pots. Tea bags are so not cool.

16/20 "fluffycakes"

South End Buttery, Boston

2008-07-04T14:04:00.007+10:00

You can put a cat in the oven, but that don't make it a biscuit.

Wesley Snipes, White Men Can't Jump

Wesley Snipes isn't the only person confused about what makes a biscuit. Most of America (Mr Snipes included) will describe a biscuit as soft and cake-like, not hard and crunchy. The UK tax man tried to argue that Jaffa Cakes (soft, baked treats popular in Britain) are biscuits, which is amusing, since Wesley and the tax man don't usually see eye-to-eye. And despite only selling "cookies" and "crackers", America's Nabisco was originally known as the National Biscuit Company. I guess Nacracko sounded a little too close to crack 'ho.

So, what kind of biscuit did I have for breakfast this morning? A Buttery Country Biscuit from the South End Buttery, 314 Shawmutt Avenue, Boston, Tel +1 (617) 482-1015. Soft on the inside, crunchy on the outside, and crumbly all over.

It tasted pretty good, but I have to wonder about the wisdom of serving a biscuit as a sandwich. Not only do biscuits disintegrate under pressure, but this one was such a towering stack of biscuit, baked egg, bacon and biscuit, that you'd need a Cameron Diaz sized mouth to have any hope of getting your jaws around it. It was also missing the aged cheddar, and very dry, with no condiments or juices to balance things out. I now understand why Southerners and soldiers usually take their biscuits with gravy.

Other options include bagels, "breakfast breads" (banana-date nut loaf, for example), pastries, and cupcakes. I think next time I'll try "Eggs in the Hole" or a "Peanut Buttery" (nutella and homemade peanut butter on toasted croissant). With most breakfast dishes priced under $6, the South End Buttery offers pretty good value.

Charley's, Boston

2008-06-28T12:36:00.007+10:00

The FCC is worried that gullible Americans might be tricked into buying stuff by embedded advertising, a sneaky form of product placement that's woven into the plot so that (a) you don't think it's an ad, and (b) you can't skip over it with your TiVo. Instead of watching a Kirstie Alley weight-loss ad during an episode of Cheers, you watch Rebecca Howe telling Sam she owes her sexy new look to Jenny Craig. You get the idea.

But don't be fooled. Jenny Craig is not the answer. I have a much better strategy for weight-loss: start the day with breakfast at a place that serves really disgusting home fries, like Charley's, 284 Newbury Street in Boston's Back Bay, Tel +1 (617) 266-3000. It's easy to cut back on the carbs when the potatoes are cold, soggy and smothered in white pepper. I hate white pepper. And I really hate it on cold soggy home fries.

Luckily, the filet mignon benedict was much better than the home fries. Take a traditional eggs benedict, swap the ham for a couple of slabs of tender beef, switch the hollandaise for a nice tarragon-infused bernaise, and as Gordon Ramsay would say... done. It's great if you're in the mood for meat.

Although the staff at Charley's were all very chipper and friendly, they really had no eye for detail. We ordered Irish breakfast tea to come out with the food (extra tea-bags please, if that's all you've got), and out came a single tea bag of English breakfast. I asked for little or no ice in my bloody mary, and I got enough to sink the Titanic. And when the eggs benny arrived, the fruit garnish was topped with a bonus piece of somebody else's left-over, yolk-soaked muffin. How it fell off an inbound plate and onto an outbound plate is a mystery which nobody could explain, but the manager was very apologetic, and they didn't charge us for the meal (nor for the extra scrap of vintage muffin).

Nonetheless, as long as you keep an eye out for foreign objects, Charley's serves some pretty decent food in a very pleasant setting (the outside tables are especially pleasant). They even throw in a bonus bloody mary, mimosa or Bud-light with each of the brunch specialties (eggs, french toast, pancakes, omelettes, etc).

But whatever you do, don't eat the home fries, or you might end up looking like this.

12/20 "homeless fries"

Mike's City Diner, Boston

2008-06-22T14:47:00.003+10:00

I really wanted to pay tribute to the Celtics victory with a nice plate of green eggs and ham. But I had to settle for plain old eggs and ham. They don't do green eggs at Mike's City Diner, 1714 Washington Street, Boston, Tel +1 (617) 267-9393. Which would make the eggs at Mike's about the only thing in Boston that hadn't turned green in the aftermath of the Celtics destruction of the Lakers in game 6 of the NBA finals.

Mike's is also one of the lucky venues not to have been destoyed by rioting Celtics fans in the aftermath of game 6. But I digress...

Back to Mike's Special of ham and eggs. The ham was extremely good (thick, meaty and tasty). The fried eggs were average. The home fries were extremely bad. And my side of french toast was a bit dry and crusty.

A better choice might have been the Emergency Room, with two eggs, three sausages, grits, toast and a couple of blueberry pancakes (a bargain at $8.50). Or the Intensive Care, with 3 eggs and a 10oz steak. Or maybe, if you want something green on your plate, an East Springfield omelette, with spinach, broccoli, tomato, mushrooms, onion and cheese.

Panificio, Boston

2008-05-18T13:58:00.006+10:00

You'd think that with Mrs Heinz living up the road you could get some baked beans for breakfast. But not if you go to Panificio, 144 Charles Street, Beacon Hill. Not a bean to be found. So eggs benny it was, served on "English muffin bread", whatever that is.

Turns out to be some kind of vaguely circular toast, with very little in common with an English muffin. Not that this was a problem. The muffin-toast, eggs and hollandaise were all pretty good. The weak link was the so-called home fries: four chunks of potato, none of which seemed to have spent much time in the frying-pan. Another weak link was the mysterious slice of cantaloupe, which was caught in the twilight zone between side and garnish. It wasn't much good as the former (too thin and dry). Nor was it much good as the latter (it made the dish look stupid, not pretty).

Looking back at the Panificio menu I can see that I misspoke, Hillary-style, about the beans. You can, in fact, get yourself a tasty serve of huevos rancheros, black-beans included. It's only if you're looking for Heinz baked beans that you'll be disappointed. But this is probably part of a deliberate environmental initiative of the Heinz Endowments. Never mind that Therese jets about in a Gulfstream and drives three gas-guzzling SUVs. The real solution to global warming is to boycott baked-beans at breakfast. Join the BBB@B movement and reduce your carbon fart-print today.

If I go back to Panificio (which is not out of the question), I think I'll try the French toast. The only question is: which version? The apple-cinnamon raisin-bread version? Or the Challah version stuffed with cream cheese, blueberries, strawberries and banana? Decisions, decisions...

Arthur and Pats, Marshfield MA

2008-05-11T02:58:00.002+10:00

I think if I was allergic to dairy I'd kill myself - Michael Scott

I wonder if Steve Carrell improvised this line while thinking of the bread pudding french toast at Arthur & Pat's, 239 Ocean St, Brant Rock, MA, Tel +1 (781) 834-9755? Apparently he is (or was) a Marshfield local, and it's hard to believe you could live near this place without being drawn in for a bite, and that once bitten, your world view wouldn't be permanently and irrevocably damaged. I ate the french toast. And my world has been twisted.

What could be better than a big, fat, spongy slab of bread and butter pudding (made from recycled croissants and brioche), soaked in eggs, fried, then smothered in creme anglaise, caramel and whipped cream? What could be worse than living without it?

Well, nothing. That's what.

Mind you, eating this stuff more than once a year will probably kill you.

Damned if you do. Damned if you don't.

To avoid this catch-22, you may want to dodge the sweet stuff and try the lobster omelet, or the filet mignon eggs benny, or the omelet with sweet roasted peppers and provolone. I tried the crab eggs benny and wasn't disappointed. Good eggs and hollandaise. A decent amount of crab. And a bonus serve of spinach.

Arthur & Pat's is a diner-style venue with bunched up tables, and bar seating if you're flying solo. It's nothing fancy, but it is colorful. The walls are plastered all over with flyers describing what's on the menu. It looks like a bunch of hippies were dosed up on acid and let loose with paper, crayons and glue.

Just be sure to check your dates before schlepping down from Boston. They close from November to March.

Legal Seafoods, Boston

2008-04-20T14:58:00.000+10:00

America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between - Oscar Wilde

Decadent is a good word to describe the Eggs Oscar at Legal Seafoods, in the Prudential Center, 800 Boylston Street, Boston. It's kind of like eggs benedict, only with crabmeat and a few spears of asparagus. The pig got the day off.

Metropolis, Boston

2008-04-13T12:45:00.000+10:00

I don't think the BBH and eggs is the best dish to order at Metropolis...

Liar Liar, Hawthorn

2008-04-06T11:31:00.000+10:00

I don't normally like sweet things, but...

Hashtastic

2008-04-05T12:16:00.001+11:00

A little light on cornichons and some of the corned beef cubes were a little chewy, but all-in-all the Batch hash is a seriously good dish if you need a potato fix. The poached egg is a bonus.

Greasy Joe's Slips

2008-03-30T12:21:00.002+11:00

Finally, after all this time, Babka has a challenger (and I'm not talking beans). Greasy Joe's can thank the waitress in the stripy red top for its rapid slide from the Breakfast Blog Top 20 to not-worth-wasting-your-time-and-money. Not only did they fail to clear plates, and forget about coffee orders for well over 30 minutes, but when we walked up to re-order and inquire, they really didn't care. A couple of us even made a point of clearing our own plates, but still no-one got the message that perhaps we'd like some service.

Here are some tips for anyone running a cafe or restaurant:

1. Please try to look at the customers as you buzz about the venue. There is nothing more frustrating to be waiting for some help, your head bobbing up and down like a prairie dog, only to be treated like an invisible hobbit wearing the ring of power.

2. Make sure that, having ignored tip #1, when a customer starts wandering aimlessly around the venue in search of assistance, you show them some love and tell them you're sorry, even if you have to fake it. At this point, the customer may be a little sarcastic, as in, "Do you think maybe we could get our coffees within the next hour or two?" Don't be sarcastic back. Don't tell them "there's no need to be rude." Don't give them lip. Because if you've kept someone waiting over 30 minutes for a cup of coffee, they've earned a free pass to make at least two sarcastic comments, maybe even three. Grit your teeth and smile.

If only stripy red top knew these simple rules I might consider going back to GJ's one day. Unfortunately, she didn't. And I won't.

BTW, the eggs benny was OK, but nothing special. Go to The Galleon instead.

Richmond Hill Cafe and Larder

2008-03-19T10:08:00.001+11:00

Well it must be said that RHCL is much better than I remember from previous visits. Best of all, they serve an excellent house-made sausage and buttered spinach. Pretty good scrambles, too...

The Galleon, St Kilda

2008-03-09T12:53:00.006+11:00

The thing that's attached to the typewriter. Little animal with a ball. Little animal, small... Creeps about, not a rat.

Bubble, AbFab

If bubble you crave, then get yourself down to The Galleon, 9 Carlisle Street, Tel +61 3 9534 8934, where they serve it with squeak, and a big fat banger, on toast. Or sans banger, if you prefer. Bursting with peas, corn, and other items of mystery mush, it looked very satisfying.

Last time I was here I had the sweet potato hash cakes. This time I went for eggs benny, with ham and spinach, and a hash cake on the side. And a wise choice it was, even if I do say so myself. The eggs were good. The bagel was better than a muffin. The hollandaise was thick and creamy. A very respectable, if slightly unconventional, interpretation of the classic benedict.

The coffee was also very respectable. Well above average. As were the staff. A little quirky, like Bubble. But not nearly as stupid. Not stupid at all, actually.

The only problem with The Galleon is the lack of ventilation. On a hot day, you really need to go dressed in speedos and thongs. Any more clothing and you'll start to sweat. Someone did try to improve things by ripping a hole in the ceiling, but even that hasn't quite fixed the problem.

Zaftigs, Brookline

2008-02-24T13:32:00.002+11:00

I love a Jewish deli that isn't afraid to sneak a bit of pork onto the menu. So it will come as no surprise that I loved Zaftig's Delicatessen, 335 Hardvard Street, Brookline, MA, Tel +1 (617) 975-0075. But why have eggs benny with Canadian bacon when there's an apple and cheese omelette up for grabs? And no ordinary apple and cheese omelette: a Macintosh apple and Vermont sharp cheddar omelette. Mac & cheese just took on a whole new meaning.

The omelette was very good. But apparently the banana-stuffed French toast in bourbon-vanilla batter with date butter is even better. Or you can have grilled banana nut bread with your date butter if you prefer. Or maybe granola pancakes with date butter? Who cares as long as it's got date butter on it?

With Citysearch ranking Zaftigs as Boston's best breakfast, you can expect to wait a while for a table. But it's worth the wait.

Pops, Boston

2008-02-17T15:48:00.007+11:00

Jaunts? Jaunts? You must be kidding. I'm over here in America dodging snow-scrapers and monster trucks, eating trans-fat for breakfast and people accuse me of having a jaunt? Then start moaning about the declining quality of Breakfast Blog content? Ex-squeeze me for a second while I purchase an automatic weapon and go postal. About the nearest thing I've had to a jaunt in the past 6 weeks was this brunch in the South End, at Pops, 560 Tremont Street, Boston, MA, Tel +1 (617) 695-1250.

For those stupid enough not to figure it out, I am working my fanny* off over here, and there may, accordingly, be some temporary interruptions to the usual schedule of Breakfast Blog transmissions. Sue me.

If you happen to get lucky with your own Boston boondoggle, one place you should not miss is Pops, where the salmon with soft scrambles is exceptionally good: delicate eggs, fresh salmon, crunchy shards of potato galette, and a delicious drizzle of Dijonaise caper sauce.

Another great dish is the "Deconstructed Red Flannel Hash and Eggs", which turned out to be a pile of finely-diced home-fries alongside a pile of finely-diced (and fried) corned beef, topped with a couple of perfectly-poached eggs. And just to be a pig, I had a side of griddled banana bread.

I won't attempt to cover the whole menu, but I will point out a few other highlights: omelettes with goat cheese and sage, or mushroom and truffle oil; French toast Monte Cristo, with ham, turkey, swiss cheese and strawberry jam; and chicken fried steak, served with eggs, gravy and roast potatoes.

Service is very good, venue is slick, and best of all, everything is quite affordable, at between $10 and $12 (the chicken fried steak is $15).

17/20 "popstar"

*Note to Australian readers, "fanny" means "bum" in America.

Sonsie, Boston

2008-02-10T12:37:00.002+11:00

If it's bad eggs benedict you seek, look no further than Sonsie, 327 Newbury St, Boston, MA, Tel +1 (617) 351-2500. The eggs were half-raw, ditto the muffins, and the hollandaise tasted weird, and not in a good way. Clearly people don't come here for the food. Maybe it's all about the people watching? No Tom and Gisele sightings on my watch.

Tremont 647, Boston

2008-02-10T12:30:00.001+11:00

During her ankle-bracelet days, Martha Stewart probably became quite attached to her pajamas. So it's no surprise that she's started wearing jim jams to work. But what about the rest of us? Won't we get arrested if we start roaming the streets in our sleepwear? Not if we live near the South End. It's pajama brunch every weekend at Tremont 647, 647 Tremont Street, Boston, MA, where staff and diners are free to flaunt their finest flannelette. Just try to keep the tiger in his cage...

Red Flame Diner, New York

2008-02-06T09:30:00.001+11:00

There are certain things New York is famous for, and one of them is the lox-cream-cheese-bagel. And there are certain bagels that are more famous than others, and one of them is H&H. What really matters with bagels, however, is not so much fame as freshness, and I was very satisfied with the freshness of these H&H bagels at the Red Flame Diner. I wonder if Kramer made them?

Harvard Club of New York

2008-02-05T11:00:00.000+11:00

So, the burning question: was the Harvard Club's eggs benny better than the Yale Club?

Another Breakfast Bloggie?

2008-01-26T17:49:00.000+11:00

The 2008 Bloggies are go. Vote early. Vote often. Actually, you can only vote once. Choose wisely, grasshoppers...

Top 20 Melbourne

2008-01-26T14:53:00.001+11:00

It's been a while since I did the original Top 10 wrap-up for Melbourne breakfasts. So to make up for lost time I am now doing a Melbourne Top 20. Some clever-dick will probably nit-pick about Mt Macedon. Whatever. It's greater-Melbourne. Sort of. Breakfast Blog mavens will also not that I am listing them all as an alphabetical bucket this time, not ranked in any particular order. It's just coincidence that Apte comes top and also happens to have the highest score.

Apte, Alphington
Balzari, Carlton
Blue Tongue, Elwood
Botanical, South Yarra
Braeside Cafe, Mt Macedon
Circa, St Kilda
European, Melbourne
Fandango, North Melbourne
Filter Cafe, Fitzroy
Galleon Cafe, St Kilda
Greasy Joe's, St Kilda
Green Grocer, North Fitzroy
Harveys, South Yarra
Las Chicas, Balaclava
Mario's, Fitzroy
Mart 130, Middle Park
Panette, South Melbourne
Replete Providore, Hawthorn
Tom Phat, Brunswick
Walter's Wine Bar, Southbank

NZ008, Somewhere Above the Pacific

2008-01-26T10:48:00.000+11:00

Normally I would be slagging off another airline about now. You know the drill. Crappy food. Crappy movies. Crappy seats. Blah blah blah. But not this time. Air New Zealand tramples on airline tradition and serves a very respectable breakfast of scrambled eggs with hot smoked NZ king salmon, chives, baby spinach and a potato cheddar cake. Fancy.

Chroma, Boston

2008-01-20T14:40:00.001+11:00

The Paramount, Boston

2008-01-19T13:27:00.000+11:00

Two things struck me as particularly un-american about The Paramount, 44 Charles Street, Beacon Hill, Boston, Tel +1 617-720-1152. First, they know how to spell omelette. Second, in this land of super-dooper-service, they offer virtually no service at all. And yet a long line of eager diners snakes up and down the counter where, after about ten minutes shuffling forward, they can place an order, wait for their food, then scurry for a table.

So why do people wait 20 minutes for no service? Because it's cheap. Not normally a word you associate with Beacon Hill. Not only cheap, but good. My triple stack of blueberry pancakes was, as the kids would say, fat. Fluffy, too. All it needed was a generous slurp of maple syrup to juice things up a bit. Only $5.50. Sweeeet.

The coffee was shite. But this is America, so you just have to force it down like a teenager learning to drink beer. Presumably, one day, you just wake up and suddenly it tastes good. Mmmm... what a fine brew this is... top me up girlfriend.

Cheapest of all is the breakfast special of two eggs, toast, home fries and coffee (the shite stuff), for a mere $5.95. A side of turkey sausage will set you back another $4. And most of the omelettes will fill you up for less than $8.

13/20 "self-service"

Charlie's Sandwich Shoppe, Boston

2008-01-12T13:48:00.000+11:00

When the menu declares that the "best breakfast in America" is coming your way, expectations are set rather high. So I was very happy not to be disappointed by Charlie's Sandwich Shoppe, 429 Columbus Ave, Boston (South End), Tel +1 617 536 7669. I can't yet confirm the best in the America tag, but I can confirm that Charlie's is a way cool, old school diner...

The omelette was good. But the Turkey Hash is the award-winning dish to go for. Soft, mushy spud, onion and minced turkey, fried into a big fat cake with a nice crispy skin...

Dundas and Faussett, Albert Park

2008-01-05T15:38:00.000+11:00

It's all about omelettes and eggs. No eggs, no omelette. And it depends on the quality of the eggs... Some are more expensive than others and some give you better omelettes.

Jose Mourinho explains why footballers are like eggs

Young players are a bit like melons. Only when you open and taste the melon are you 100 per cent sure that the melon is good.

Jose Mourinho explains why footballers are like melons

I think that former Chelsea coach Jose "The Special One" Mourinho may now be working in the kitchen at Dundas & Faussett, 111 Dundas Place, Albert Park, Tel +61 3 9645 5155. Who else would serve omelettes and melons on the same plate? And who else would serve a Portugese omelette?

Technically, I didn't order one of the omelettes. I ordered scrambled eggs. But it was cooked like an omelette, so I'll call it an omelette. I'm also calling the salmon croquette a hash brown, since it was more like a potato patty with a few trace elements of salmon spotted through the mix. And the "chive cream" was light on chive and heavy on dill, so I'll call than a dill cream. It was all OK. But what's with the melon-apple garnish?

Actually, it gets worse. Not content to garnish eggs with fruit, they offer a breakfast blog first: caramelised banana omelette. I dare someone to order than and tell me what it's like. I resisted the temptation.

The omelette frenzy continues with a "farmer's omelette" (potato, bacon, tomato and herbs), a "Portugese omelette" (red peppers, ham, tomato and basil), a goat's cheese omelette and, I kid you not... a prawn omelette. Or, you can design your own. Maybe prawn, banana, bacon and melon?

So, there you have it. Dundas and Faussett. A great place for freaky omelettes. And a great place for Albert Park poseurs to check each other out. Otherwise, not that great.

12/20 "banana omelette"

Quaff, Toorak

2007-12-22T14:48:00.000+11:00

Toorak, home to Lou Richards, Eddie McGuire and Nathan Buckley (you just can't find a good mansion in Collingwood these days), is also home to a restaurant called Quaff, 436 Toorak Road, Toorak, Tel +61 3 9827 4484. They only do breakfast on weekends, but they do serve a very respectable Eggs Benedict.

Nice toasty muffins. Very good hollandaise. Good ham and good (but not great) eggs. The side of sauteed spinach was also very nice. And if plain old Benedict seems a bit dull, they offer Chili Eggs, which is a bacon Benedict served with chili concassee (whatever that is).

The menu is pretty much all eggs, with a couple of exceptions: toasted fruit bread or pancakes with vanilla bean ice cream and maple syrup. Bad luck if you want something exotic, like muesli.

The venue is dark and plush, a bit like the interior of the 2008 Range Rover Sport LE. So the local toffs can cruise down from Clendon Road in the "tractor" and feel like they never left the 4 car garage.

13/20 "what, no muesli?"

Apte, Alphington

2007-12-15T18:44:00.000+11:00

I'm not sure I can call it the perfect breakfast, but this morning I had my first 20/20 experience at Apte, 538-540 Heidleberg Road, Alphington, Tel +61 3 9482 2991. Excellent eggs. Equally great extras. Fantastic fritters. Schmick venue. Smooth service. No mistakes. Schwing!

Perfection, I fear, is an elusive beast. Jessica Alba may be 2007's sexiest, but is she the perfect woman? Derek Zoolander may have been born with perfect bone structure, but is he the perfect man? Robert Parker may have scored the 1986 Romanee Conti Montrachet 100 points, but is it the perfect wine? No, no and no.

So please don't get hung up on the whole perfect score thing. Just enjoy a truly delicious corn, pea and feta fritter, drizzled with dill-infused sour cream and topped with a mountain of Tasmania's finest smoked salmon (and some nice, ripe avocado). Or tuck into a beautifully balanced big breakfast, with eggs, bangers, bacon and house-made relish, plus mushies, spinach, tomato and organic toast. Or go sweet with toasted, house made banana and coconut bread (with honey labna, pistachios and roasted seasonal fruit). Yum, yum and yum.

20/20 "almost perfect"

Eggs & Bacon $10.40 BB100 +4%

North, Carlton North

2007-12-09T12:03:00.000+11:00

At first glance, hiring Merv Hughes as a behavioural role model for beer-goggled cricket fans might seem about as clever as hiring Shane Warne to babysit your teenage daughter's slumber party. But this summer, Merv will indeed be urging you not to throw hot pies, roast chickens and jars of mayonnaise at your fellow spectator. Not even during a Mexican wave.

Personally, I reckon we should be allowed to throw any of the ingredients for huevos rancheros. Nothing too dangerous about eggs, avocado and some soft corn tortillas. To find out what else you can throw, order yourself a serve of Mexican eggs, ranch-style, at North Cafeteria, 717 Rathdowne Street, Carlton North, Tel +61 3 9348 1276. They make their own tortillas.

If you're not in the mood for a belly full of black beans, you could try the baked eggs with pork sausage and roast fennel bulb. Or the very simple Champion's Breakfast of boiled eggs, toast soldiers and tomato relish.

The sweet tip has to be the French toast with poached pear, walnut and lemon-honey labne. Melinda tipped me off to this one, and I have to agree that it did look extremely good.

North is very nicely fitted-out, with white paint job, arty feature-wall, and red and white tulip chairs (probably not Saarinen-Knoll originals, but you never know). Service was a little slow at first, but it warmed up, and the Coffee Supreme coffee was very good.

16/20 "huevos rancheros"

Eggs & Bacon $10.00 BB100 +0%

Rumi Kills Breakfast?

2007-12-08T12:14:00.000+11:00

After reading much ranting and raving about Rumi, I decided it was time to try breakfast, Persian style. So I dragged myself half-way across town in search of a plate of deep fried eggs and dukkah. Would this mecca of modern-middle-eastern win me over? Or was I destined for disappointment? The latter, I'm afraid. The place was shut. It was 11am on a Saturday morning and I can only conclude that Rumi don't do breakfast no more. Is it true? Has Rumi killed breakfast?

Breakfast Show Cook Off

2007-12-04T23:14:00.000+11:00

And the winner is... Iron Chef Hamish, who kicked challenger Adam's arse on the Channel 31 Breakfast Show-Down, whipping up 4 dishes, including a very tasty stack of scrambled eggs, potato rosti and smoked salmon. Adam did show off some nice wrist action with the frying pan, producing a respectable serve of scrambled eggs on avocado toast with chorizo and mushrooms. But pancakes with mango, maple syrup and smoked salmon? Gag me...

Bills Scrambled Eggs Really Are That Good

2007-12-01T10:25:00.000+11:00

Some things are over-hyped. Like Facebook. Kylie's bum. And the Toyota Prius. But Bills scrambled eggs really are the best you will ever have. Anywhere. In the world. Or the Galaxy. Or the entire Universe. So silky. So light. So creamy. So good.

At one point, Mr Bills himself came flouncing through the restaurant, and I was almost tempted to bow down and indenture myself as his life-long slave. But then I tasted the crappy bacon. How can such fine eggs be served with such pathetic, soggy little parcels of bacon? Shame, shame, shame...

Lava, St Kilda East

2007-11-25T11:12:00.000+11:00

Last night, having snatched once more at the ring of power, Howard fell like Gollum into the lava of political death. So it seems only fitting to be writing about my breakfast at Lava, 219 Carlisle Street, East St Kilda, Tel +61 3 9527 2205. You can almost smell it. Howard, and all his pork, going down in flames. Mmmm... crispy bacon. Makes me hungry.

Lava's bacon, while not especially crispy, was good enough, especially when combined with a chunk of avocado and some sauteed mushrooms. Rounded out with a large serve of scrambled eggs, the "Lava breakfast" was very satisfying. A Snickers breakfast, if you like. You won't leave this place hungry.

Perched on the corner of a large communal table (very handy for reading the newspapers and checking out what others are eating), I eye-balled at least a couple of tasty offerings. The potato rosti, for example, is actually eggs florentine (poached with spinach and hollandaise) served on a rosti rather than muffins. The gluten-free crowd should love it. Or, for vegans, they offer house-made Lava beans served with feta on toast. Both looked good. If these don't float your boat, there are many other choices on the menu: muffins, croissants, banana bread, muesli, pancakes, porridge, omelettes (with or without yolks) and more.

In case you missed it, the quote of election night has to go to Kerry O'Brien, reflecting on the McKew-Howard battle for Bennelong: "It looks like a 5% swing to the ABC..."

15/20 "rosti florentine"

Eggs & Bacon $10.60 BB100 +6%

Enni, Thornbury

2007-11-04T13:33:00.000+11:00

At least a couple of people have tipped me off to the baked beans at Enni, 915 High Street, Thornbury, Tel +61 3 9484 8288. Unlike the crappy beans you might use to pelt the paparazzi, these are fancy house-baked beans, with a nice light tomato sauce. Not better than Babka, but very good nonetheless.

The corn pancakes were also good, although I prefer fritters with a high corn-count. They serve them with bacon, tomato, a poached egg and a splodge of tomato and capsicum chutney.

If you're on a budget (and let's face it, working families are doing it tough... just ask Kev), Enni offers some tasty $7 options: two eggs on sourdough toast; creamy oat porridge with berry compote and white chocolate chunks; or Bircher muesli with yoghurt, sultanas, dried apricots, honey, roasted almonds and grated apple. Yum yum yum.

14/20 "beanz meanz..."

Eggs & Bacon $9.50 BB100 -5%

Caffe Veloce, South Yarra

2007-11-03T14:46:00.000+11:00

Next time you're shopping for a new Maserati, fuel up at Caffe Veloce, 9-11 Claremont Street, South Yarra, Tel +61 3 8080 9995. Conveniently located in the middle of Dutton's ultra-luxury-tosser car showroom, Veloce allows you to stare at fancy cars as you eat breakfast. Actually, I think it's all pre-loved cars at Duttons, so you should really only come here for an old Maserati. No Gran Turismo's here, unfortunately.

Breakfast options are simple but good. Eggs are either scrambled or poached ($12-14), the latter served with a delicious, buttery sauteed spinach, tasty bacon, and Baker D. Chirico sourdough toast. No complaints about the quality of the eggs, but one was hard-poached.

An interesting lighter option is the biancomangiare (a "yoghurt terrine"), served with "mint coulis" and strawberries ($8). This was excellent.

Veloce's edge, however, is that they have their own pastry chefs slaving away in the basement. So, you can drop in for a coffee (a very good signature blend of Di Lorenzo) and scoff down a few house-made custard bombaloni or rip into some excellent fritella (doughnut-like frisbee's sprinkled with sugar).

Finally, in the interests of full disclosure, Veloce is where I lost my virginity. I was given a free sampling of various dishes at a launch thing hosted by the boss, Mauro Marcucci (of Caffe e Cucina fame, yadda yadda yadda). I did, however, go back on the sly (paying for my own breakfast), and the two experiences were not wildly different.

16/20 "uova in camicia"

At least The Guardian doesn't hate blogs

2007-11-03T11:02:00.000+11:00

Unlike other blog-hating parts of the dead-tree media, The Guardian seems to like blogs. So much so that they've done a blog by blog guide to Melbourne for the travel section, including three edible/drinkable blogs, namely the Breakfast Blog, Tomato and the Melbourne Coffee Review.

Commercial Bakery, Secret Eggs

2007-10-31T12:46:00.000+11:00

Hidden away off Little Collins Street, just up from Elizabeth Street, and just down from the back door of the old McEwans (now tarted up and renamed The Foundry), lurks a new city venue known as Commercial Bakery, 360 Little Collins Street (up the rear), Melbourne, Tel +61 3 9670 7214. And hidden somewhere other than on the menu, is the fact that you can order a plate of scrambled eggs. I only know this because I saw said scrambled eggs served up to another customer, as I tucked in to my egg and bacon ciabatta (which seemed to be the only egg option on the menu).

A Minor Place, Brunswick

2007-10-28T15:16:00.000+11:00

I wonder if Kelvin Thomson ever wrote a character reference for the nice people at A Minor Place, 103 Albion Street, Brunswick, Tel +61 3 9384 3131? Maybe not. Something tells me they might vote Green. Not that Kelvin needs to worry too much. With a big fat margin of 20%, this is safe labor turf.

Which means there's not much chance of Kevin 07 dropping by for an espresso and a quick bite of earwax. Better to focus on the marginals. Like Bennelong.

This is good news for the voters of Wills. They can eat their breakfast in peace. Simple things like homemade crumpets with blackberry butter. Sweet things like french toasted casalinga with pistachio ricotta, stewed rhubarb and maple syrup. Savoury things like a toasted "brontosaurus bagel" with currant relish, fresh tomato, cucumber, avocado, rocket and lemon mustard dressing. And satisfying things like "a minor breakfast" of poached eggs on toast with grilled ham, roast tomato, white beans and spinach (a few leaves of raw spinach, unfortunately).

The food is all good quality stuff (organic free range eggs, etc), but falls just short of top marks. And while the service is efficient (no mistakes), it wouldn't hurt them to throw in the odd smile.

16/20 "brunswick buzz"

Fandango, North Melbourne

2007-10-27T12:08:00.000+10:00

Things are changing in North Melbourne. Women can walk up King Street without being groped by Wayne Carey. Children can walk down Arden Street without being offered smack. The Kangaroos are about to relocate to the Gold Coast. And you can now enjoy a very fine breakfast on Errol Street, thanks to the arrival of Fandango, 97 Errol Street, North Melbourne, Tel +61 3 9329 0693. But don't go there on a Monday. It's closed. Open Tues-Sun 7.30am-3pm.

This was, without doubt, one of the most delicious serves of scrambled eggs and bacon I have ever had. The pesto-scrambled eggs were rich and tasty (flecked with little baby chunks of pine nut); the sourdough toast was thick and buttery (with a distinct sour note); and the bacon perfectly crispy (by which I mean crisp, but not to the point of shattering). I also switched the grilled tomato for some fresh, ripe avocado, which was great.

Vegetarians will no doubt be tempted by the poached eggs with beetroot and fetta relish, which you can have with spinach and/or mushrooms. It looked excellent. Or, if you like it sweet, the triple stack of pancakes sounded pretty good, served with banana, strawberries, home-made honeyed cream cheese and maple syrup.

The venue is neither big, nor fancy, but it has a place-to-be buzz and the staff are friendly and efficient. I think there are some tables "out the back", but I didn't get that far. They serve a very good Coffee Supreme brew, too.

18/20 "best scrambled ever?"