As I stared at my rather skimpy serve of scrambled eggs this morning, it occurred to me that the entire thing might have slipped into Jessica Rowe's mouth in one go. Maybe two. Jessica
has a large mouth, you see. And an annoying laugh. So annoying that readers of the Sunday Feral Sun
have dubbed her Australia's most annoying celebrity
. Even worse than Daryl Somers. Even worse than Gretel Killeen. And just when you thought it couldn't get any worse for Nine's new queen of breakfast TV, word gets out that Eddie McGuire wants to bone her
Before you get the wrong idea, please note that "bone" apparently means sack, as in fire, terminate, etc. We're not talking about a new series of wife-swap here.
But, once again, I digress. Let me return to my skimpy plate of eggs, which was dished up this morning at Il Fornaio, 2 Acland Street, St Kilda, Tel +61 3 9534 2922. The scrambles were bland and not at all moist. The mushrooms were even more bland and boring than the eggs. We're talking the Karl Stefanovic of the mushroom world. And the soggy wad of pan-warmed bacon was similarly disappointing. About the only good thing on the plate was the toast, and yet there was only one measly slice. How cheap is that? Can someone please explain to me the logic of baking excellent bread on the premises and then short-changing your customers on toast?
Indeed, so fine is the bread, that I suggest Eddie picks up a few loaves of his way home from the footy one day. It would be perfect for the so-called shit sandwiches
that Nine is apparently serving up these days. Imagine... asking someone to accept a contract worth only $400,000 a year? How could anyone swallow that?
I'm in no great hurry to go back to Il Fornaio, but if I do, I think I'll try the croque monsieur, which seems a bargain at only $5. Another good option might be the poached egg on bio-dynamic dark rye with dill mascarpone, rocket and smoked salmon. Good coffee and pastries too.12/20
"style over substance"